A Mother's Guilt
by NobleSpaceman
Summary: Mercedes has decided that she is a complicated woman. Between dealing with her ex-husband/best friend and his mother, being a mother to a five year old son and her own crazy mother Mercedes doesn't really have time to breathe let alone making sure she is showered everyday So when she accidental propositions her son's teacher, she finally learns what complicated really is.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N Inspired by Chord Overstreet's guest role in The Middle. It was a big surprise when he turned around from the board and ended up being the teacher lol

S&M

"Eli! Downstairs! Now!"

Oh No

She was turning into her mother. Mercedes had spent most of her pregnancy and Eli's infancy hearing that it would happen. Anytime she'd see a flash of Mrs Jones in her tone, she'd quickly correct herself. Suddenly now it seemed it couldn't be helped. Her mother's tone, facial expressions and hands on hips stance were now hers. Mercedes knew that her Dad was watching from heaven laughing his arse off about the way things had turned out. Especially since he had spent most of Mercedes adolescences listening to Mercedes scream from behind her bedroom door that she would rather die than be _anything_ like her mother.

As she tapped her foot and listened to the flurry of footsteps running backwards and forwards upstairs, she had to admit her recent change had been somewhat justified. No matter how amicable a divorce was it was still a stressor. Throw in disgruntled extended family, moving house and young son starting kindergarten Mercedes decided she had more than enough reasons to become her mother. She promised herself that as soon as the heat died down she would return to her charming, charismatic self instantly.

"Mum, where are my shoes?"

Mercedes stared at her son, who stood at the top of the stairs.

"Aren't they in your wardrobe?"

Eli shook his head slowly and Mercedes sighed and started climbing up the stairs, muttering about how if people just put things where they were supposed to, everyone would be on time. Mercedes stepped into his room and for her mental health decided to ignore the state of things. She just needed the sneakers and to get the heck on the road. Mercedes spotted the white shoes in an instant, grabbed the hand of sock clad son and rushed them down the stairs.

"You can put them on in the car!"

S&M

"When am I going to see Dad?"

Mercedes studied the road, had Lima always been this busy? When did it start having 'traffic'?

"Umm, well you were with him this weekend, so I think that means Thursday night?"

Another major stressor was their complicated custody agreement. Mercedes thought it was cruel to suddenly rip Eli from his father, especially when there was no animosity. Despite this though, it didn't mean she wanted to see him every weekend either. Also, she knew that she would quickly become the 'unfun' school and homework parent while he became the playing in the park fun one. This meant more shuffling around and more phone calls with her ex then she thought should be strictly allowed but still, it kept Eli happy and sane.

Eli seemed content with this answer and resumed staring at the window. Mercedes glanced from the road to look at him. He was being quiet. He had always been a quiet child, but was he being more quiet then usual? Was it unusual for a young child to be generally quiet in the first place? Was it the divorce? It had to be, Eli clearly was blaming her….

Eli glanced back at his mother and smiled brightly. Mercedes returned the expression and looked back on the road. She was going to have to look up this all up on the internet. He might just pretend to be happy but was secretly trying to kill her out of anger and sadness. Wouldn't her mother just love that, she could imagine how smug she'd be at Eli's court hearing. _Poor child never had a chance with divorced parents. I always told Mercedes that parenting means sacrifice….._

Mercedes shook her head, trying to rid herself of the crazy thoughts. Finally they turned into the school's street which was surprisingly empty.

Shit.

"I think we are late Mum"

Eli said conversationally as he unclipped his seatbelt. For some reason there was something about this action that finally alerted her to the fact that he was in the front seat.

"What are you doing sitting there?"

She asked panicked. She had just broken the law and didn't even realise. Suddenly the court room in her mind changed and she was in the hot seat. Bad Parent, stamped on her shirt.

"You know you aren't allowed to sit in the front seat yet!"

Eli shrugged and slipped out of the car, waiting for her to do the same. Mercedes swallowed, her eyes remaining on her son as she unclipped her own belt and exited the car. Grabbing her son's hand they made their way up to the school building.

Mercedes wondered if she was doing the wrong thing by taking Eli straight to his classroom instead of through the office system to officially declare him as 'late'. Mr Evans seemed cool, maybe he'd let it slid. She glanced down at her outfit, wondering if it would pass as being 'sexy' enough to seduce him into doing what she wanted. Instead of a figure hugging bandage dress though was just her classic 'Mum' tracksuit. Well, hey at least it matched today! Actually Mercedes wondered if that just made it worse.

Standing at the door, she peered into the classroom through the glass panel.

Mr Evans sat hunched on a stool, a clip board in his hand and the children surrounded around him on the floor. She couldn't be sure, but thanked the gods anyway because he was still marking the roll!  
As if sensing her excited thoughts, Mr Evans looked up and by his expression Mercedes guessed her was surprised to see her outside waving frantically for him to come out to her.

He turned, saying something unheard to the kids and Mercedes grinned as he then made his way towards the door.

"Mrs Tinsley?"

He greeted unsurely and she smiled back tightly

"Actually its Ms Jones now…actually you know what? It's Mercedes"

"Can I go inside?"

The two adults looked down at Eli, who was watching his friends enviously

"Sure bud"

Mr Evans said smiling

"Do you have your late pass?"

The question made Mercedes suddenly feel cold. She did not envy her son for having to deal with teachers again.

"Mum does"

Eli said, pushing his way past his teacher to get into the room. Mr Evans looked back at Mercedes, expectantly. Mercedes wanted to throttle her son. This was worse than him possibly organising her murder.

"Actually I don't…"

"What's going on?"

Mercedes swallowed and then groaned.

"Please, can you not make me go to the office? I know this is like the third time and I should be punished but please not yet. Look how well he just slipped in, he has hardly missed anything….please…please"

Begging

Wow, what a great way to start the week!

She could tell Mr Evans was conflicted. Clearly he knew that they had missed the bell and should technically go through the office…Suddenly he disarmed Mercedes with a grin.

"Ok, but our little secret right?"

Mercedes was slightly speechless by his obvious handsomeness and discreetly looked down at his hands.

Married.

Always the way!

She grinned back at him

"Thank you so much"

Would it be too much to hug him?

"You just got me out of those horrible parent meetings with the vice principle"

Mr Evans suddenly looked sheepish.

"Actually, I was hoping to organise a time we could…."

S&M

"What do you mean you have training? You are the coach! Can't you organise it for another time?"

Mercedes knew she was being unreasonable. She wasn't crazy and plus she had been married to Shane for six years and was very aware of his training schedule. Plus, as Shane had so kindly pointed out it was her fault that she was even having the meeting with Mr Evans anyway

"Cedes, calm down! Mr Evans is a cool dude; he is probably just going through the motions. He has no reason to even be worried about E. Just show up, nod your head and call me when you are finished"

Mercedes breathed deeply. Shane was the most infuriating man on the planet. She had a _meeting_ with a _teacher _about _concerns_ he had about their _son_. He wasn't going to use this afternoon to just hang out. This was serious, like child protective services serious.

Oh No.

Mercedes breath stopped.

Mr Evans must have seen them out by the car. The kindergarten room had a window right? She must have driven passed and he saw Eli staring sadly out the passenger window. Should she tell Shane? She mentally debated for a second and decided no. Shane would tell his mother and his mother would bring in solicitors and suddenly Mercedes would only see Eli once a month through a glass window. The original Mrs Tinsley would absolutely love that and visit Mercedes every weekend just to remind her of what a failure of a person she is.

"Cedes?"

Shane's voice bought her back to reality and she brightened her voice

"Sorry Shane, I understand that you have your own work commitments and as you said, it was my fault"

She listened to Shane sigh on the other end. He thought she was being passive aggressive, another contributor to their failured marriage. She wasn't though, not really. Maybe just a little.

"How about I take you guys out after practise? And you can fill me in on how it went"

"I'm hanging up now Shane"

Mercedes couldn't be sure, but sometimes she thought she was dating her ex-husband. Somewhere between separating and finalising their divorce they became friends and as friends they would go out as a family. Mercedes needed to nip these little outings in the bud because it was so easy to just fall into the routine of being a family. Ok, so there was no avoiding the fact that they _were _family but they couldn't keep acting like husband and wife. It made her lazy and she was barely twenty five. She needed to start dating again and soon or Eli would wonder what the hell was wrong with his mother and probably start having unhealthy relationships with women and it would be all her fault. So the meals had to stop. It would confuse Eli and any future guy who was willing to look pass the matching tracksuits and actually take her out. _Oh sorry I can't, I'm taking my five year old out for dinner with my husband…oh sorry ex-husband…but how about we go on an uncomfortable first date Friday instead? _

S&M

"So aren't you a little young to be a teacher?"

"Aren't you a little young to be a mother?"

Bad start  
Very bad start

Mercedes felt her face hardening and her glare intensifying.

Oh no her mother was making her way to the surface of her face again

"Oh….oh my god. I have no idea why I just said that"

Mercedes pulled a seat from one of the tiny desk and moved in front of his desk. It was then she realised that they chair that was built for a child and would no way accommodate her backside. Feeling foolish she decided that she would just have to commit to the chair. Her ego wouldn't let her explain that she just realised she made a mistake. She took a seat and her eyes could just see over his desk…and yes she was now staring directly at his crotch as he stood up.

"Um actually there is a small conference room where we typically have these meetings…"

If Mercedes didn't love her child with all her being she would have happily topped herself off in that moment. Mr Evans might have been a 'cool dude' but Mercedes suddenly had a burning hatred for the man. She watched, at eye level as he placed his hands in his pocket. No ring. Glancing up to meet his face, he looked the picture of relaxed and that just annoyed her further. He was clearing waiting for her to stand up, something she knew was going to be difficult to do but she had no choice but to stand up.

"Do you need a hand…."

She glared up at him, hard as she braced her hands on his desk to use as leverage as she pushed up.

"No, I don't…I'm young remember?"

At least Mr Evans looked somewhat apologetic.

S&M

He had been right, the room was small but the chairs were human size. They were shifting uncomfortably across from each other and Mercedes felt a wave of attraction as she looked at him closely. He had white shirt on, rolled to the arms and a deep blue tie. Shouldn't it be illegal for people to look like that at a primary school? She smiled softly at the thought of all Eli's female classmates being convinced they were being taught by a Disney prince. Mercedes was a grown woman though and she would not let his green eyes make her drop to her knees. She was better than that. She took a subtle but deep breath to calm her thoughts, damn he smelt good.

"So I hope I didn't conflict with work or anything"

Mercedes glare returned

"I don't work"

Is that what this was about? Shame her even further. She was looking for a job, but Eli had only been at school four weeks…..Eli had only been at school four weeks and she was already having emergency meetings with his teacher?! Things had to change!

"Oh, ok cool. Well as you can guess I wanted to talk about Eli"

Mercedes nodded and opened her mouth to defend herself, particularly regarding the always being late thing.

"And I wanted to know what you thoughts were on advancing him to the next grade"

Eli was smart? Ok yes of course her child was smart! That's probably why his room was a mess, he was too busy being a genius to clean up after himself.

"Eli is smart?"

OH why did she let that tumble out of her mouth?

Mr Evans chuckled, revealing that smile that Mercedes was convinced she would follow anywhere.

Wow she really needed a date

She also needed to stop watching Twilight.

"Yes Eli is very bright and I think he would really benefit from being moved ahead"

"But what about socially? Won't he be mixing with older kids?"

Mr Evans nodded

"I can see how that could be a concern but the grades ones actually have a lot to do with kindergartens and I really think he could handle it. He is quite the force in the class room"

"Force?"

"Like as is a bit of a ringleader. Very powerful personality"

"Eli is?"

Mercedes asked confused and Mr Evans nodded

"Are you sure were talking about the same kid?"

"Well I'm talking about the boy that you snuck into my classroom against policy this morning, are you?"

Mercedes smiled softly

"Well I'll have to discuss it with my husband.."

Mr Evans looked at her confused and she realised her mistake

"Oh sorry my ex-husband, force of habit….well you'd understand"

He gave her another confused looked, which Mercedes found reluctantly adorable. She gestured to his ring…well now ringless finger…

"You had a ring on this morning and now you don't. Did you put it on forgetting? I've done that"

Suddenly she felt sick

"Unless you are happily married and took it off to try and seduce someone…"

She glanced around the small room

"This isn't even a conference is it? You were trying to get up all on me? You sick bastard! Your married!"

She knew she was on a classic Jones tangent. Normally halfway through she'd have a moment of clarity and realise that she was being crazy. Usually didn't stop her from actually finishing the line of thought though. Mr Evans was waving his arms, they both looked like legitimate crazy people.

"I'm not married! I just wear it to put off some persistent mothers! I took it off before I met you, so you wouldn't get the wrong idea"

"The wrong idea being that you're married?"

What made her so special from the other desperate mums? She had just enough libido to be a sexual predator just like anyone else!

Mr Evans blushed deep red

"Um yeah"

"So you want me to know that you're single….?"

"Um yeah"

Tension

Tension like she had never felt before filled the room and nearly choked Mercedes. She had never had this feeling before. Even in High school when Shane used to blow her a kiss from the field. This was worrying.

"So…all that stuff about Eli isn't true? You just want him out of the class so you can…let me know you're single?"

"No! No! Of course not! That's all true! I just thought, while you were here you may as well know that I'm single"

Weirdness level 100

This guy was a nutcase. Yet apart of her was interested. Very interested actually but what would be the point. She wanted/needed to date, but her son's teacher? That was too crazy for someone recently divorced who still went on kind of dates with their ex-husband. What kind of example would that be to Eli anyway? Picking up his teacher on school property… so many levels of wrong.

"Ok, I'm going to stop you right there and give you a little heads up. I was a wife at nineteen and a mother at twenty. I'm now a divorced twenty five years old, with no job or degree. I'm supported by my ex-husband and his crazy, crazy, crazy family. My mother, who I realised this morning I'm slowly becoming, spends her days plotting ways for me to get back with my apparently perfect ex-husband because she can't understand how we are friends. Yes that's right; Eli's father is one of my closest friends. We can't be married, but apparently we co-parent like no one's business. Also, I think I'm accidently dating him…like not on purpose and definitely not because I like him romantically but because it's routine. So really think about all that before you start making all these declarations about being single. If you want to sleep with me, fine we can work around that but a relationship especially with someone in your position is just asking for more complications"

"We can work around me wanting to sleep with you?"

Mr Evans asked, bashfully confused. Mercedes just shrugged, so sue her, he was really hot.

A century of silence passed and Mercedes finally had the decency to be embarrassed by what she had just said.

Shit, shit.

She had just propositioned her son's first even teacher. This child of her never had chance at a normal life.

S&M

Thoughts? This whole story is going to be just Mercedes centric, compared to my others where it switches POV. Hopefully it works out!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing

S&M

Mercedes only blamed herself when she found herself deciding to have dinner out with Shane. If she hadn't been so stressed about with the meeting with Mr Evans then maybe she would have thought to go grocery shopping and have more to offer her child for dinner then two minute noodles. Eli and Shane had been ecstatic at the fact that she had changed her mind. They loved Breadstix; they loved each other so for them this was a perfect night.

Mercedes didn't share the same sentiment.

"Breadsticks?"

Mercedes looked up from her menu to the waitress and shook her head

"No we are fine thanks"

"Mummmm"

Eli whined beside her and even Shane stared at her like she just shot his dog.

"What?"

She asked, confused

"Can't we have breadsticks?"

Eli asked, his voice heartbreakingly devastated

Mercedes was surrounded by expressions that ranged from hopelessly broken to simply confuse. Mercedes shrugged and gestured to the waitresses to fill their basket

"Fine! But don't fill up and DON'T let me eat any of them. If I get fatter I'll blame the both of you"

"You're not fat Cedes"

Shane commented, biting into one of the breadsticks. Mercedes rolled her eyes, could he lay it on any thicker? Also did he have to eat all those carbs in front of her?

"Don't start please Shane. It only ends up making me feel like"

She covered Eli's ears

"Shit"

Shane demolished the rest of the breadstick and decided to change the subject

"So what did Mr Evans want?"

What _did_ Mr Evans want? Mercedes was still confused. After her little outburst that ended in with her kind of admitting that she would sleep with him, naturally the meeting was forced to wrap up. Mercedes would be happy to move Eli up a grade, purely so she wouldn't have to deal with Mr Evans any more. The other half wanted to enrol herself into kindergarten so she could be with him every day. Thoughts of Mr Evans making out with her against the blackboard where quickly banished by the fact that she was sitting with her ex-husband and her child who were chomping on breadsticks beside her. This had to stop! She was quickly turning into a horrible parent. In the morning it would be the beginning of the rest of her life. No more being late, no more dinners with Shane, no more sounding like her mother and definitely no thoughts of Mr Evans that involved nudity.

"He just wanted to talk about moving Eli to the next grade"

Shane looked just as surprised as she had been at the news

"E? You're smart?"

Eli nodded, and reached for another breadstick. Shane's reaction had been a godsend because it made her feel less of a neglectful parent

"Well what are we going to do?"

Shane asked, looking towards Mercedes. Of course she'd have to be the one to provide the answers! She had no idea what to do.

"I'll have to talk to Mum"

Shane added and Mercedes saw red

"No, will be making this decision ourselves Shane! We don't need your mother getting in the mix of things"

"But she'll know what to do"

Mercedes did believe that. Mrs Tinsley was never without an action plan but for a woman who knew everything she struggled to know when to shut her big gaping mouth.

"I want to talk more with Mr Evans; our meeting was cut short today"

"How come?"

_Because your ex-wife can't keep her massive crush to herself_

"Because Eli was getting restless"

S&M

6.30am was that magically time that you think the night before will be the best time to get up to have a positive start to the day. You won't be rushed, you'll have time to eat and then you'll float out the door ready to start the day because you were so damn productive. Then night turns to day and your alarm rings and you want to murder the next person you lay eyes on. Mercedes held in a scream and pulled her covers overhead. Last night she had been so excited for today, it was going to be the beginning of the rest of her life. Now it was a reality and Mercedes hated herself for being so optimistic.

Despite this very bad start, she got up and showered and even put on a little bit of makeup. She work up Eli, cooked breakfast and suddenly they were ready to leave.

On time!

Getting up early had been worth it, her heart wasn't racing, she looked somewhat presentable and most importantly she never hollered like her mother. With smile on her face she opened her front door, only to be faced with her mother.

"Morning Mercedes"

"Grandma!"

Eli of course loved the old woman and quickly wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Eli!"

Mrs Jones had hated the name from the start, repeating that no one would take seriously a man with a three lettered name. Her mother had tried to convince her while she was drugged up and halfway through labour to consider something else. Since Eli became a person and not just an idea, her mother had never bought up the name issue again and loved her grandson regardless.

After the obligatory smooches and the cooing about how good he looked in a shirt that she had bought him for his recent birthday, Mrs Jones directed her attention to her daughter

"What's all this about you having dinner with Shane?"

"We are leaving Mum, we can talk later. I'll call you"

"No I'll come for the car ride. We'll have coffee later"

Damn.

Mercedes jaw clenched at the thought

"Ok, just don't mentions S-H-A-N-E in front of E-L-I"

"I know who you are talking about Mum"

Damn, that's right. Her kid was smart.

S&M

The down side to being on time was competing for a park. This is the reason they were now walking up half a block to the school. Her mother, who Mercedes had begged to stay in the car had refused and was now walking beside her. Mercedes had even offered to leave the keys in the ignition so she'd have air and radio but it was no use.

"Eli should have been enrolled in that private school in the town over. Honestly this school is a mess"

Mercedes bit her tongue and refrained from reminding her mother that twenty years ago this is where she had enrolled Mercedes herself. She smiled down at her son who had grabbed her hand. It was an attempt to reassure him that yes he was from a crazy family but he would break the mould and be amazing and most importantly, be normal.

"Mum it's important that I have a chance to talk to Mr Evans privately. SO please be respectful and make yourself busy"

"What do you have to talk about with him?"

"I said it was private"

Her mother huffed and stalked ahead.

S&M

Knock, knock

"Hello, Mr Evans?"

Damn, he looked better than he did yesterday. His hair was damp from his morning shower and-

No!

She wouldn't think anything more than 'his hair was damp from his morning shower' anything else was risky and damage the progress she had made on making today they beginning of the rest of her life.

"Good morning Mercedes. Made it on time today?"

He pushed himself from his desk, but remained in his chair. As he lounged back and extended his legs out, she could only think of one thing. That he was presenting himself to her.

That bastard!

"I wanted to continue our chat about Eli?"

As if realising that he was being completely inappropriate, he stood up in a rush.

"Oh yes of course"

Oh yes of course, indeed Mercedes thought triumphantly

"Have you decided? Because it would be good to get him in before the school year progresses much further"

What were the rules of personal space? Mercedes wondered. Was it one foot or two? Or was it one foot for family members and two for strangers? What was the distance for insanely hot kindergarten teachers? Pretty sure they should be on the other side of the country.

Whatever the rules were, Mr Evans was close. Very close. She could almost see the water droplets from his damp hair drip to his shoulder. She really wanted to follow one of the trickles down his neck, with her tongue.

This was bad. Really bad.

She stepped back and replied

"Shane and I talked about it last night and we think it would be best if we just kept Eli where he is. Just because the age difference doesn't matter now, down the track it might cause issues"

There was no harm in reminding him of her very present ex-husband

"Are you sure you don't want more time to think about it. I have pamphlets…we could have another meeting…."

He trailed off and Mercedes knew what the smirk meant. If in one meeting he got her to admit she would sleep with him, in a second he'd probably get her top off.

"No that won't be necessary"

"Yes actually it will"

Mercedes raised her eyebrows. Mr Evans had sounded just like her mother. In fact he did it without even opening his mouth.

Oh no

She turned to find her mother in the door frame; clearly she had been listening in on the whole conversation.

"Mum, leave it. Shane and I have already decided"

"Is that why you guys had that secret dinner last night? Honestly Mercedes, the way you lead that man on! And I know he had no say in this matter, just like that hasty divorce"

"It wasn't hasty! Actually you know what? No we aren't doing this here! Go to the car!"

Embarrassment wasn't the word she was looking for; she doubted there was any word that could really describe her current state. Mr Evans had taken a few steps back at this point, his desire to be close to her clearly drowned by the fact that her mother was a lunatic.

"Mr Evans was it? Please don't listen to Mercedes. I'm going to take her home, she'll change that top and I'll have her thinking straight in no time"

"Actually I can't go out with you mother. I have a job that I need to get to"

Her mother's eyes fixated on her

"Oh? And where is this job? Did Shane cut you off? I bet it was that stupid mother of law of yours, I swear she is always butting in"

"He didn't cut me off, but its time I learn to support myself! You should be proud I'm a strong independent woman!"

Mercedes of course was lying out of her arse. She had no job; gosh she didn't even have a resume! Yet the way her mother had just assumed she would be free because she was unemployed hit a nerve. At least with all this Mr Evans wouldn't be seducing her anytime soon.

"Where is this job Mercedes"

She glanced around the room, looking for some inspiration.

"Umm it's here at the school"

She trailed off, not really knowing how she would continue this lie. It's not like she could say she was a teacher. What other kind of people worked at schools?

"She is the lunch lady"

Mercedes eyes widened and she turned to Mr Evans who had finally found the courage to speak. The lunch lady? Really? With her nails?

Her mother seemed just as shocked as she did, which Mercedes realised would give away the fact that she was lying if she was shocked by her own job.

"Yes you heard right Mum. I work in the cafeteria"

"He just said lunch lady"

"Ok yes, that's right. I'm the lunch lady"

She had never heard her mother laugh like that in all her life.

S&M

Mercedes went from lying about being the lunch lady, to really being the lunch lady in a space of twelve hours. It turned out Lima Primary really had been desperate for a second lunch lady to help serve but only had the funds for a limited wage. Mr Evans helped orchestrate the whole thing and became one of her references. So here she was, standing in a hair net trying to be a good role model for her son. She was a strong, independent woman who did what she could to provide for her young. The life lesson seemed to have gone over his head because Eli had been way more interested in the fact that she had to wear a hair net.

"But your hair"

He had said sadly and her heart rushed for her son. He understood how important hair care was. He really was her son.

Shane had been outraged that she had kept it a secret. Although in her defence it hadn't really been a secret because she never would have expected that this was how her life would end up. In rubber shoes, she stared down the line of primary schoolers ready for their lunch. Eli was the only man she would ever suffer through this for.

Eli had been over the moon that his mother would be at school and Mercedes had been touched. If Mercedes mother had been working while she was in school, Mercedes was sure she would have never graduated.

"May I please have some more potato tots?"

Mercedes raised her eyes at the man who she couldn't escape. The man who had both saved her from hell and sent her there.

"Um no. We have a serving limit and you have breached yours"

Mr Evans smirked

"Pretty sure staff get perks…actually not only that but don't men who save damsels get perks too? So I should get double perks since I fall into both categories"

"Why do I get the feeling you are not talking about totes Mr Evans?"

"Because I'm not and you don't have to call me Mr Evans. I have a name and that name is Sam"

Mercedes was actually surprised that he had a name, which was strange. He totally looked like a Sam too.

"You are being lecherous. You are only ever going to get totes"

"Really because pretty sure you said we could work around what I want"

"You are disgusting! There are children around!"

Sam just smirked again

"You look cute in that hat"

S&M

"Mummy?"

Mercedes opened up one eye and took in the face of her son. She was only ever 'mummy' when he was either scared or sick. She hoped he wasn't sick; she had a job to juggle now.

"I'm scared"

She let out a sigh of relief that she wouldn't have to mop up vomit tonight and let Eli crawl in beside her. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and let his little body snuggle into hers.

"What are you scared of honey? I thought you were Mummy's brave boy"

"I'm brave!"

He said, indignantly

"I know you are"

"I'm going to miss you tomorrow"

Mercedes sighed and held him tighter.

"You'll see me at school every day and then you are back here on the weekend"

Eli remained quiet, silently digesting this information. This bit was hard. She and Shane may get along but Eli wanted his parents together. Maybe she had been wrong thinking Eli needed her to date. This definitely was the strongest reason to resist the charming Sam. Eli should always remain her first and only priority. When he was safe and in college she would revisit the idea of using her libido. Tears were in her eyes as her son softly drifted to sleep. Sometimes, like moments like this she wished she could have stayed Shane's wife. Maybe they could have gotten along. Maybe everyone had been right to say she left for selfish reason, left because she was so deeply _unhappy_.

Damn 2am!

S&M

The upside to working at the school was that she got to say good bye to Eli properly before he got picked up by Shane. Eli seemed to like it too, it also helped that he knew he'd see her tomorrow for lunch. Mercedes wasn't going to tell Shane about Eli's thoughts last night. No need to create waves especially considering how disappointed he was that she was working as the lunch lady.

"Seriously Cedes, if this is a money thing…."

"It's not! It's unfair that you have to pay for me. Eli yes, me no"

"But you're the mother of my child! I care for you!"

"Is this a gender thing? Do you hate the idea of woman working?"

"My mother is a working professional! Why would I hate seeing women working? I just mean, Eli is at a special age and with him being all talented and stuff maybe it would be better if you just stayed with him at home"

"I am shaking with rage Shane. Shaking. Why don't you stay at home then? Eli needs to learn the importance of hard work! He needs two role models"

Mercedes couldn't believe she was having another family drama unfold on school grounds. This was becoming shameful. Also she was pretty sure Sam was on front gate duty and could be in earshot. She stepped away from the car and closed the door. Blowing a kiss to Eli, she thought it better to just step away then continue arguing with Shane. Waving, they finally pulled away from the kerb.

"So are you alone tonight?"

She nearly jumped into moving traffic out of fright and turned to find a grinning Sam.

"No actually. I have plans. Major plans"

"Really? Do they involve dinner with me?"

He was making this hard, very hard. Not that she could blame him. She did start this, all guns blazing and now she couldn't be surprised that he was reciprocating. Yet a lady always had the option to change her mind, as she so delicately tried to explain to him.

He just shrugged though and asked her to dinner again

"As co-workers"

He added, because for some reason that would change her mind. Despite every fibre in her body screaming that this was a bad idea, she agreed.

"Nowhere public"

"My place?"

Mercedes nodded. She was definitely a terrible, terrible mother.

S&M

A/N I'm glad some people are finding this funny; comedy is so much harder to write then angst because everyone has different tastes! Lol


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing

S&M

Mercedes was able to justify the fact that she was standing in front of Sam Evans front door because she hadn't thanked him properly for helping her secure her new job; even if it was the most hellish occupation on the face of the earth. Since her mother had emphasised good manners growing up, it was almost against her moral values _not _to show up. It was her mother's good breeding that also explained the bag of frozen totes in her head. All this had nothing to do with the fact that a strong part of her wanted to rip off the buttons of his shirt.

She pressed the door bell and was surprised at the sudden explosion of barking. Sam had a dog? Actually by the sound of it he had a couple.

"Salt, Pepper! Ssshhh!"

Mercedes chuckled. So the sexy, charming teacher had two dogs named Salt and Pepper? And everyone said she was lame. Honestly people need to readjust their perceptions of her because everyone had got it all wrong. She was cool, calm and collected most to the time.

"Hiiiya!"

Who was she? When did she become a 'Hiiiya' woman? She could never pull that off! The beat of silence that they were now experiencing was damn proof of that.

"Hey Mercedes"

At least he was smiling and not totally judging her. Although he was not in a position to judge considering he had two dogs under each of his arms named Salt and Pepper.

Was he going to let her in?

It wasn't like it was freezing outside, but it was still….outside. Mercedes shifted her weight as he and his dogs blocked the door way. Was he actually surprised she'd show up and made other plans? She took in his attire, grey sweat pants and a long sleeve navy t-shirt. Seriously he was trying to seduce her in that? Ok maybe it was kind of working

"Please, come in"

She gave a tight smile but remained standing on his porch. He still hadn't moved.

"Should I use the back door or something?"

She asked, unsure why he was acting all creepy like. Realising what he was doing her grinned her favourite smile and more himself out of the door way. The dogs in his arms wriggling like mad to greet their new guest.

His house was clean and blue.

Very blue.

Mercedes honestly felt like she was diving in the middle of the ocean. Clearly he was no interior designer because he totally stuffed up rule number one. Never own a couch exactly the same colour as the wall.

Mercedes just kind of stood in his living room, unsure what to do. The plastic bag that contained the tots was still wrapped around her wrist and her coat was still on. Sam seemed to like her idea of just standing because he was doing the same thing; except he added staring at her…and the two dogs.

"Ok, you know what? Clearly you don't want me here. So I'm just going to leave the tots and go back home"

"You bought me tots?"

He asked, smiling again.

Seriously? She threatens to go home and all he cared about was the frozen potatoes. Cleary she had read this whole situation wrong and needed to just get home and die of shame.

"Yes, they are a thank you gift for getting me the job"

"You hate that job but"

Mercedes pursed her lips and then realised what she was doing. Such a Mrs Jones move!

"Yes, but I needed a job and even though it sucks the hours are good for Eli"

"But the money is shit"

Ok, this was crazy. She accepted his dinner invitation despite everything and now she as standing in his too blue house trying to thank him and he is being a jerk.

"Ok, yes but it's better than my income before which was literally zero dollars. Why are you being a jerk!"

"I'm not being a jerk"

He quickly defended.

"I was just wondering why you were thanking me"

"Because I'm being polite!"

Mercedes dumped the plastic bag on his blue couch and made her way to storm out the front door. He casually stopped her by blocking the hallway.

"Please don't go. I don't even know why I said that. Sometimes I don't think before I speak. Just like that whole 'aren't you too young to be a mother' thing"

His green eyes were literally swirling.

Swirling with emotion.

Mercedes had to swallow to gather herself because those eyes were going to put her under.

"Ok. Forgiven. What's for tea?"

S&M

Dinner was…interesting. Mercedes was sure he was just cooking whatever was in his freezer and was calling it a meal. The meal also included her thankyou tots and Mercedes had to admit she was having a good time.

It seems like Seduction Sam only existed on school property, which Mercedes found really disconcerting considering it was a primary school. The Sam that sat across from her on the blue couch, showing off how many tots he could fit into his mouth was kind of a dork. He was funny and he had her laughing.

"Seed? Book hay manny I bot in!"

Mercedes clutched her sides. Apart of her was worried that he was going to choke and she'd have to explain what she was doing in the living room of her son's dead teacher, but most of her was pretty amazing. He did have a shocking large mouth.

She watched as he slowly chewed and swallowed all the tots. Ok, that was really disgusting, especially when some potato juice dribbled out the corner of his mouth.

Sighing she put her plate on the coffee table and grabbed her napkin. She slid forward towards him and used the napkin to wipe his mouth. He finger brushed his lip and suddenly it was game on and he was kissing her finger. Ok, now he was sucking it.

Mercedes wasn't 100 percent sure how to deal with what was happening. So she just sat there watching as her finger was being pumped by his lips. She knew it was supposed to be sexy, she had read books describing this before and it all seemed like a big turn on. Now that it was actually happening to her though? She couldn't think of anything less sexy. In fact she was thinking that if Eli ever put a girl through this, she'd happily kill him.

Eli!

Damn she was a mother! And this was his teacher! Her co-worker!

She closed her eyes and tried to remember all the reasons as to why this was a bad idea.

For some reason Sam must have taken her closed eyes as a sign of pleasure and released her finger, only to edge closer to her in an attempt to capture her lips. She opened her eyes to see his face coming towards her and instinctively shoved her finger back into his mouth. His eyes flew open at the action and he froze watching her carefully.

"No"

She said firmly and he rolled his eyes.

He actually rolled his eyes at her.

"No, this can't happen"

She repeated.

"Why not?"

He pouted and Mercedes sighed as she patted him on the head.

"Is because I have no game?"

Mercedes chuckled

"Um you have game! All this week you have been showing off you game. Even just then with that finger thing….that was pretty hot"

Why was she comforting this man? This afternoon he was the picture of confidence and now suddenly in the comfort of his own living room he falls apart?

"The finger thing was pretty hot"

He agreed and Mercedes suddenly felt bad for lying. What if he tried it again? How could she stop herself from laughing?

"It's just I really thought about it and they whole being my sons teacher thing is a dangerous game"

"You said though, we could work around me wanting to sleep with you…we could just keep it a secret?"

Was this guy really hard up for sex or something? Surely she wasn't that much of a siren that the man was willing to give up his dignity to get her naked. It was actually kind of sweet. He must not realise what a freaking Adonis he was himself. This is why it was so important to promote self-esteem for Eli. To stop him from becoming a mess of man like Sam was in front of her.

Oh no.

Sam

S-A-M

A three letter name.

Her mother was right!  
Eli was screwed.

"Why do you want this so bad?"

She asked, curiosity killing her. Sam just shrugged and looked to the floor.

"I kinda of really like you"

"Then what was with all the weirdness when I arrived?"

She was breaking every rule Cosmo every taught her about men. She was being way to direct, but hey she was sick of beating around the bush.

"I don't know. You make me shy and you are like really hot"

He shrugged and spun those eyes back to hers.

Damn she never had a chance.

S&M

It was hard to get sexy when there were two little dogs barking and growling and attempting to make their way onto the bed.

"I'm sorry, they sleep here. They just want to join"

He recaptured her lips and his hands gripped the belt loops of her jeans. Mercedes insides where literally melting at the feel of him withering underneath her. Reality was nothing like her X-rated dreams.

His large hands were now slipping up her t-shirt and caressing her back. God there was something about his skin on hers that made her shiver. If she didn't have a child she would have safety assumed he'd think she was a virgin they was she carrying on. His hands slowly slipped up to the clasp of her bra. His fingers ran across the six hooks and she stilled. She wriggled slightly to somehow more his hands from her bra, but he was undeterred.

Suddenly she was panting for a whole different reason. If he saw the bra she had on, it was game over. She stops being the sexy crush that turned him on and become a motherly figure that was trying to get her creepy mack on. She cursed herself, both past and present versions. She had purposely worn the dated nursing bra that she had worn four years ago to stop her from getting into this exact position! The plan would have worked to if she hadn't been such a stupid idiot and _forgotten_ that she had it on.

"You know what would be sexy?"

She murmured against his lips.

"If we just kept like all our tops on….hmmm how does that sounds?"

"That sounds like a terrible, terrible idea"

He murmured back, although he was hard to hear over the barking dogs.

His hands moved from the back of her bra, to the front of her breasts and Mercedes couldn't help the involuntary bucking of her hips as he squeezed them

"See? It looks like you don't want to keep our shirts on either…"

He squeezed them again and Mercedes shuddered and then heard the snap of her clip. Sam was suddenly taken aback at the feel of skin.

"Did I break your bra?"

He asked worried, his eyes searching hers. Mercedes wondered how she could explain that a nuclear bomb wouldn't destroy this bra.

"No, it's ok. The cups are detachable"

She explained, trying not to look so affected by his hands holding her bare breasts. Sam's eyes widened with…excitement? He sat up, keeping her tightly on his lap and leaning against the headboard.

"Like a stripper bra? I wanna see"

No, it was nothing like a stripper bra. It was a nursing bra that allowed easy access when breast feeding. There was nothing sexy about it at all.

"Yeah…like a stripper bra"

She lied as Sam frantically tried to get her t-shirt off. He was going to be so disappointed…

"Oh my god. That's really hot"

Mercedes glanced down at her chest, wondering if they were looking at the same thing. One of her large breasts where hanging out of the unsnapped cup, while the other remained in the boring white cup. Sam quickly unsnapped the other cup and her other breast ungracefully rolled out. Now she was sitting, with her bra still on but her unsupported breasts on display. Nothing like a stripper.

"Yep that is really, really hot"

Mercedes shouldn't have been so shocked. This was the guy that found sucking her fingers sexy.

"Do you wear this every day? Like is this what is under that lunch lady uniform?"

No, usually it was a sports bra that was even more unsexy then this. Sam the freak though would probably pass out at the sight with pleasure, if he found this worn out nursing bra sexy.

"I can't decide if I just want to keep you in this or have you totally bare"

Mercedes suddenly realised that it was totally unfair that she was half naked and he sat there fully dressed. So in a fluid movement she re-joined their lips and slipped her hands under his long sleeve tee.

Damn that man.

Under all those button downs and ties was a freaking six pack. They were both panting hard now, giving the dogs below them a run for their money. He was shirtless and she was still in her nursing bra. Something that she really wanted to take off, so she did. Sam practically exploded with happiness.

He rolled them over and now he was on top. Her knees where bent either side of him and she could feel him between her thighs. His lips were on her neck and she withered wildly but his strong arms kept her tight in place.

Then they started moving towards her jeans fly. He popped open the top button and her eyes flew open. Her bra wasn't the only thing she had used to deter her from having sex with Sam. Remembering the underpants she had on, she bucked wildly and Sam found himself flipped onto his back.

"What the…"

Mercedes had shoved her t-shirt back on before he could even finish the sentence. She needed to get out and stop this immediately.

_Immediately _

Somewhere between him shoving tots in his mouth and putting his hand on her jeans she realised she kind of liked him. The nursing bra was bad enough, if he saw what was under those jeans she'd never get another go. She'd never even be able to look at him in the eye.

So she said her good byes and fled; ignoring the barks and the call of her name with a heavy heart.

S&M

Mercedes had only known Margaret for three days but it was safe to say she hated her. She was the head lunch lady/ cook and worked the full school day. Mercedes wandering in around 1030am to help serve and set up and was heading home when the kids did. Mercedes knew that this was bone of contention for Margaret but it was really her fault that the school wasn't going to pay her for the whole day. She'd happily come in early to help Margaret heat up the mystery meat or whatever that brown stuff was but it was out of her control. So Margaret hated Mercedes and Mercedes hated Margaret right back.

"It goes vegetable, carb and meat Mercedes; dessert on the other side of the register. How have you not remembered that yet?"

Oh Mercedes did remember, she just liked the shade of red Margaret's face turned when she did something wrong.

"Sorry Margaret"

She drawled before correcting her error, smirking secretly before correcting her error. She was too occupied to realise that the kitchen had a visitor.

"No cap, no entry Mr Evans. You know the rules"

"Oh sorry Maggie"

Mercedes turned to see Sam smiling charmingly at Margaret before stepping back into the door frame.

"I was wondering if I could just borrow Ms Jones for a moment."

Margaret was smiling back at the blond and Mercedes tried to stop herself from vomiting over all the kid's food. She really didn't want to see him today.

"Sure Mr Evans, just be sure she is back before the lunch bell"

"Oh I will"

S&M

Sam wasn't talking to her. He was leading her around the maze of the school wordlessly. Yes she could see why running out of his bedroom after convincing him he was definitely going to hit it may have been offensive but wasn't the silent treatment a little juvenile?

Speaking of juvenile, why wasn't he with the kids?

"Why aren't you in class?"

She asked and received no response. He stopped wordlessly and opened a door. Mercedes glanced inside, it was a storeroom.

No, no way. No way in hell

"I'm not going in there"

"Yes you are because we have to talk"

"In a store room? Are you drunk?"

"It's private"

She sighed and walked in, delicately stepping over a mop and bucket. Damn it stunk.

"The children are in gym right now"

Mercedes nodded and he closed the door, covering them in darkness. As she listened to him fumbled around trying to find the light switch, she quickly said a pray that Shane had remembered to pack Eli's gym gear.

"I wanted to return this"

Sam said, pulling her bra…..from his pocket!

She quickly snatched it.

"Couldn't you have put in a bag or something?"

He shrugged, not caring.

"We have to talk about what nearly happened last night"

"I'm sorry ok? I just had a moment of crazy and needed to get home"

"But you wanted to do it right?"

He seemed so nervous that and now that Mercedes knew what it was like to kiss him, she just wanted to do it again.

And again

And again

And again

Damn him.

"Yeah I wanted to do it…it's just.."

"I get the complicated part. Trust me…every day I learn"

She smiled at that and she clasped his hands with her hers.

"I like being around you Mercedes"

"I like being around you too Sam"

"Then what the hell are we going to do?"

Well Mercedes was going to start wearing matching underwear sets every day. That was for sure.

S&M

"Shane, calm down. I can't hear you"

Actually Mercedes could hear Shane quite well despite his heavy breathing. She just wanted to pretend that it was happening.

"Our mothers"

He repeated

"Are hosting"

Breath

"A family dinner…"

The last part was rushed out but Mercedes heard it all well.

"Why Shane! Why! Didn't we have enough of those when we were married?"

The bliss of her make out session in the stinky store room was quickly wearing off as Shane presented her with this fresh hell.

"Eli! Smart! Moving Grade!"

Shane always spoke in short sentences when their Mothers were involved. His stress manifested in an inability to speak. Sadly, Mercedes was pro at interpreting.

"Stop this from happening Shane. Please. I way to stressed to deal with either of our mothers, let alone both at the same time"

"Cedes, it's too late"

Mercedes clutched her phone tightly

"Oh Shane"

S&M


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing

S&M

It's Friday night and she is spending the evening with her mother, ex-in-laws and her ex-husband. On the plus side she'd be able to hang with her son despite him staying at his fathers for the night. She kept holding onto that one positive.

"Thanks for driving me Shane, but you really didn't have too"

Shane had clearly snuck out of work early to change and was wearing a very smart shirt and pants combo. She wished she had the same foresight but instead she was sitting in the same clothes she went to work in and smelt very strongly of ham.

"No bother, plus I want to debrief everything that goes down on the way home"

She nodded, agreeing with that idea

"OK, but we have to be a team on this Shane. So follow my lead and do everything I say"

Shane nodded

"Pull into KFC could you please?"

She asked, seeing the red and white sign in the distance

"Are you serious Cedes? We are about to have dinner in less than half an hour"

No, Shane and Eli were about to have dinner. Convinced that Mercedes needed to lose a hell of lot of weight Mrs Tinsley gave her the portion for a mouse, leaving Mercedes starving.

"Please Shane. It's either now or the way home"

"I thought you were dieting"

She side eyed him. Was he kidding right now? How dare he bring up her diet under these stressful circumstances!

"Shane, you know how you mother treats me at dinner parties. I skipped lunch; I can't wait till after dinner to get something"

He sighed and Eli piped up from the backseat.

"Can I get chips Mum?"

Shane gave her a pointed look and Mercedes gestured that he focus back on the road….not that she would be opposed to a car accident right now.

"Fine Shane, you win. If I fade a way to a shadow after tea tonight, have fun being a single dad"

S&M

Mercedes could never understand why Mrs Tinsley treated these family dinners like a state function. She couldn't for the life of her work out who she was trying to impress since she constantly liked to remind everyone how much she hated them.

"Mercedes, darling! Thank god you are here"

Her own mother embraced her and Mercedes rolled her eyes into her mother's neck.

"That woman is a nightmare"

Mrs Jones quickly whispered before picking up the waiting Eli.

Mercedes found it hilarious that her mother and Mrs Tinsley hated each other, considering how alike they all were. Of course this distaste was never acknowledged to each other and they played the roles of best friends. Such a freak show.

Mrs Tinsley grabbed her next and wrapped her skinny arms around her.

"Hello Mercedes"

"Hello Mrs Tinsley"

They separated and she watched as the woman's eyes roved her body distastefully.

That snobby bitch!

Mr Tinsley was the only one in this messed up family unit Mercedes could stand. He was very much like his quiet son but Mercedes admired him most as the one person that could pull his wife into line with a look. She had witnessed it a few times and always relished in the moment.

He was already sitting down at the dining table, so Mercedes just dropped a kiss to his cheek and sat in her usual place.

"Evening Cedes, looking good love"

She smiled at the compliment and took in the already set table.

"How come there are seven plates?"

She asked, but her question received no response as chatted around her.

"Seriously, why are there seven plates?"

Last time there had been seven plates was for Mercedes invention. Mrs Tinsley had decided that Mercedes had an unhealthy relationship with food and had organised an invention _dinner_. Mercedes had been pissed till they got to dessert and mud cake was served. That was only one of many examples that made Mercedes cringe. To her seven plates was a symbol of a terrible night.

"Who is the seventh plate for?"

She was sure people were actively ignoring her and treating her like a crazy child. The doorbell saved her from standing up and screaming the question again. Mrs Tinsley rushed off and Mercedes settled Eli beside her.

"Mr Evans!"

Mercedes nearly broke her neck as she spun to see if Eli was right. There Sam Evans stood, cocky as hell standing in the threshold of the dining room holding a bottle of wine.

He was introduced to everyone and sat down on Mercedes other side. Mercedes wanted to smack him so hard. Actually she wanted to smack everyone right now. Well, everyone expect Eli and Mr Tinsley. Shane looked just has surprised as she did, so technically didn't deserve one but she was still pissed about the diet comment in the car.

"What is going on?"

The mothers finally took their own seats and Mrs Tinsley spoke from the head of the table.

"I invited Mr Evans here because I think this Eli issue needs to be discussed and as his teacher I would like to hear his point of view"

"Well as his mother, my point of you view is the only one that matters"

"If you want to play the mother card, mine trumps yours Mercedes"

Her mother piped in, earning her a respected nod from Mrs Tinsley.

"Mum, this is a bit much. Mercedes and I have already decided"

Shane's contribution was widely ignored but Mercedes appreciated the effort any way. Sam opted to remain silent and slide his hand to her thigh.

Mercedes decided to mentally sum up what was going on. She was sitting at a dining table with her mother, her ex-in laws, her ex-husband, her son and her son's teacher who as of today decided to start a no strings relationship with. Wow this was just brilliant.

She stood up abruptly.

"No, this isn't happening. We have already decided. Come on! We are leaving"

"Who? Who are you leaving with? Shane?"

Her mother snapped back

"The same Shane who you divorce but can never get enough of?"

"I get enough of Shane mother! You should be happy we are friends!"

"Frieeennnnnddddssss right"

Mrs Tinsley added sarcastically before turning to Sam who was sitting beside her

"Mr Evans do your friends drain your bank accounts every month because they are to self-involved too work?"

"I work!"

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone was breathing hard and Mercedes jaw had dropped to the floor as she stared at Sam, who was shaking in anger.

"There is a child sitting at this table who doesn't need to hear this crap!"

Sam shouldn't have said crap, Mercedes thought hurriedly. Everything else was brilliant, but crap? Not classy! But who could care about that, someone was actually standing up for her. No, one better! Someone was _taking her side._

Mercedes wasn't sure what her next course of action was supposed to be. Her mother looked to be having a stroke and Mercedes wondered if she should call a couple of ambulances for the elders. Was it wrong that she was enjoying this?

She tried to coax Eli on to her lap, assuming he needed comfort. All this yelling was enough to make her cry, so she couldn't imagine how her five year old son was feeling.

"Mum, stop!"

Instead of being a shaking mess, Eli was chomping on bread like it was his last meal. Was he finding comfort in food? He looked pretty cheerful to be honest. Mercedes would almost say that he too was enjoying his grandparent getting their arses handed to them.

"Ok, time to go"

Mercedes giggled at Shane's announcement. He hated conflict so she wasn't surprised by the fact that he would opt to leave. It was his semi cheerful tone that cracked her up. He almost sounded like they were leaving after a long night of fun board games and hugging. Did he just block out the fact their son's primary school teacher just owned their parents? Oh Shane.

Mercedes then stood too, instructing Eli to grab his coat. He rolled his eyes, a habit that he was just starting to acquire and jumped of his chair. She looked up at Sam, who was still panting heavily and tapped him on the shoulder.

"We are probably going to get some KFC. Did you want to come?"

S&M

Shane still lived in the house that his parents had helped buy them when the graduated. It still looked pretty much the same as if had when Mercedes walked out over a year ago, expect that all her coloured rugs were gone.

Her favourite bit of furniture was a large oak table that had been Shane's grandmothers. She had tried to sneak it out a couple of times but due to its size had been caught every time. Shane had promised that when he died she could have it. Mercedes couldn't wait. Tonight though, she was sitting at her favourite table feeling like she might be the one to die first. In the car ride everything had caught up with her. She was officially in a fight with her mother. Sure they never got along but it was all under the surface stuff. This was an official "we are angry and don't agree on something' stuff. This was like world war three stuff. To top it all off she was eating fried chicken with her ex-husband and not- quite-yet lover. She was never going to own this this table.

Eli loved it. Not only did he get to eat takeaway for dinner, but he was with both his parents AND his favourite teacher. Mercedes chuckled as he'd randomly remember a toy that he just needed to show his Mr Evans and bolt straight into his bedroom. Eli wasn't the only one who was fanboying over Sam. Shane was retelling the story of Sam's heroics like Sam hadn't even been there. Clearly Shane hadn't realised the ramifications of what had just happened. Mercedes knew that in the morning he'd wake up and call her from the foetal position crying.

Mercedes couldn't help but wonder with all their interest, how the boys hadn't realised the almost feral looks Sam had been throwing her way. Clearly he felt not slightest bit uncomfortable in her ex-husband's home (her old _martial_ home!) and looked like he was ready to eat her straight off the table. He was clearly trying to send her a message with the way he was eating that chicken leg. If Mercedes hadn't been so turned on, she would have been disgusted.

Sam was quick to make sure that he was the one taking her home and Mercedes couldn't believe how damn obvious he was being. Oblivious Shane was none the wiser and waved her off chatting about tomorrows drop off time like he hadn't just put her in the car with someone who was going to ruin her clothes. She waved back, blowing kisses to her son feeling like the World's most terrible mother.

S&M

Sam was a chatter and since a lot had gone down tonight, there had been a lot for him to chat about. Mercedes normally wouldn't care but the fact that he had three heads was really concerning. Mercedes rubbed her eyes, trying to dull the throbbing that seemed to have exploded behind her eyes.

"Mercedes?"

Mercedes could tell Sam was concerned, especially since she knew she was swaying. She gripped the couch to steady her and plastered on a smile.

"Yeah, I fine! You were saying?"

That stupid, effing chicken.

The stupid, effing chicken cooked by a stupid effing fifteen year old.

She knew that kid had way too much acne to be near food. She could almost see him leaning over the deep fryer and the puss from his face just dripping into the food.

With that thought, Mercedes casually vomited all over Sam's nice jeans.

Oh eff.

"Fucking hell! Why is it orange?"

Ever if she knew Mercedes wouldn't have been able to answer because she promptly passed out.

S&M

Ok, she knew she was crossing some moral boundaries when she pretended to be unconscious, but what were her other options? She had just vomited her dinner on the probably the sexist man she had ever met. How could she face him after that? She would rather play dead and be buried alive then ever look into the beautiful green eyes again.

Mercedes head was still pounding as she sneakily cracked on eye open. Sam was frantically trying to find his phone. He was the only person alive that could pull off vomit. Mercedes eyes quickly shut as he crouched beside her. This was kind of nice being dead. No crazy mother to worry about, no insane family. She didn't even have to worry about her growing feelings for the blonde beside her who was now…stroking her hand? If he even thought about sucking her fingers she would slap him.

"Mercedes wake up, please"

His voice was so broken, that she could help but open her eyes. She needed to see how broken he would be if she was dead. Wow, he looked really worried.

"I'm ok Sam, don't bother calling the ambulance"

"Oh don't worry, I wasn't"

She sat upright quickly

"I could have died!"

Sam raised his eyes brows

"Just a bit of vomit and you felt faint….It was probably that greasy kid at KFC"

She raised her hands to stop him from speaking anymore about puss

"Please Sam don't…or I'll vomit again"

"Yeah, you owe me a pair of jeans by the way….come on let's get you cleaned up"

Sam was being super….attentive and it was creeping Mercedes out. They were standing the in bathroom in their underwear and Sam was wiping Mercedes face. It was actually kind of sweet.

"You wanna lie in bed?"

Mercedes nodded and allowed Sam to cradle her on her bed. It felt weirdly intimate, in more ways than when he had her naked breasts in his palms. What was it about this guy?

"I remember one time when I was growing up, half way through high school and I went to Spring Fling dance with this girl who I was convinced I was going to marry"

His voice was all soft and he'd begin stroking her hairs. She nestled deeper into his arms, head pounding but feeling sleepy as she listened to his story

"So I'm there right…blue suit, blue tie and a blue shirt and I just thought I was King Shit"

She chuckled and closed her eyes. She could picture it all, young Sam all proud with the prettiest girl in school on his arm….

"We were dancing under the fairy lights and I felt so happy I was practically dizzy. Expect I wasn't dizzy, I was sick and I vomited up the pie my little sister had made me for dinner. I vomited on my beautiful future wife, my beautiful suit….got it in her hair and everything"

Mercedes chortled and he joined her soft chuckles

"So what happened to her? You're future wife?"

Sam chuckled again and Mercedes liked the rumble from his chest on her skin.

"There is only one kind of person that sticks around after you vomit on someone"

"Yeah? Who?"

"Soulmates"

S&M

Mercedes stared out the window as the rain pounded on the glass outside. Her legs were curled under her and she lent on the pane, hoping she looked as melancholy and dramatic as she felt. Eli was colouring on the floor. He'd been home only two hours and had been exceptionally well behaved. When she had woken up and saw how bad the weather was, she had wished that it was a bad dream and the chicken last night had actually killed her. Eli was usually a nightmare on weekends when the weather was bad, but here he was playing quietly and letting her brood in peace.

"Mum?"

Mercedes pulled herself away from the scene outside and smiled down at her son.

"Yes Honey?"

"Are you and Grandma ever going to talk again?"

She sighed and gestured for him to sit on her lap. Without the option of dinner rolls, he happily obliged.

"Well talk again, don't you worry ok? Sometimes grownups have fights but will work it out"

"Mr Evans was really mad at them"

"Yes he was. He shouldn't have yelled like that. Sorry if he scared you"

Eli just shrugged and snuggled into her chest like he did when he was a baby.

Damn she loved this kid.

"Can mummy ask you a question?"

Eli nodded

"What if Mummy had a special friend?"

"Like a ghost?"

"No, like someone actually alive"

She wasn't sure why she was having this conversation. Sam made no promises last night and she still wasn't even sure if she wanted him to make promises….maybe it had just been a crazy day and she was reading way too much into the situation. Maybe he still thought he needed to trick her into bed or just made the comment so innocently he didn't understand the consequences. Though there was still a chance that he wanted her children and to grow on some farm with cows. Mercedes hated cows, she wouldn't survive on a farm… the whole thing was giving her another headache.

Still there may have been a very, very small part that wanted the farm. It was small, but still there so she knew she needed Eli to on board and promise to feed the chickens or otherwise she'd burn the farmhouse and the animals to the ground.

Eli just shrugged again

"Yeah, whatever"

Honestly, who was teaching this kid this kind of language?


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N I am actually blown away that people are finding this funny! I literally just started the story for fun and posted it to see how people liked in and the response to my attempt at comedy has really been encouraging! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

S&M

Determination leaked out of Mercedes power walk as she flurried up the front of the school, holding Eli's hand. She was on time and ready to work.

The bell buzzed above their heads and Eli looked up at her worriedly.

Ok, so they were _practically_ on time, but Mercedes was still ready to work!

She gave Eli a massive kiss goodbye, who wriggled from her arms persistently. She was purposely ignoring his blonde teacher who was greeting the kinder's as they filed in. Actually was it even Sam? She was sooooo not paying attention it could have just been a really tall child doing the teacher's job. Ergh she sooooo did care enough to look.

"Mum! Get off!"

Eli successfully managed to free himself from her arms and run into the class room. Mercedes felt like she was transported back to middle school when it was always the boys she liked that couldn't get away from her fast enough. She was usually left with the mouth breathing audio visual nerd that had power point presentation of her sleep habits. Not that Sam was a mouth-breather but he was still in the category of being _unwanted._

"Morning, Ms Jones. Did you have a good weekend?"

'_Morning, Ms Jones. Did you have a good weekend?' _

She mocked privately in her head, making sure to not to notice the deep timbre in his voice.

"Yeah it was just great"

She replied in a tone that she hoped was sarcastic and flicked her hair off her shoulder and continued her determined walk to the kitchen.

There was a reason for her mean girl routine. Mercedes didn't have to be anything but cordial to Mr Evans because Mr Evans was definitely not her soul mate. Since getting to know the man she had all but given up on her diet, become a lunch lady _assistant_, had a massive blow out with her family and started majorly questioning her parenting abilities. The man was poison and therefore was definitely not her soul mate.

She wandered in to the kitchen, washed her hands and placed on her apron. Margret was watching her quietly the whole time from her stool by the radio. Mercedes decided to continue her bad mood for the day and didn't speak to her either. See? Look what a horrible person Sam made her? Defiantly not her soul mate.

"Gin is dead"

Mercedes looked at Margaret confused. Who was Gin? Despite this she still re-arranged her features to look somewhat sad.

"Oh I'm so sorry, was she a close friend of yours?"

Margret nodded, her round face flushed red. Mercedes might have hated Margret more than Satan but her heart broke for the woman.

"Maybe you should go home? I'm sure I could cover the day"

Margret smirked at that and let out a little chuckle.

"Oh Mercedes, you crack me up sometimes. Thank you, I needed that"

Mercedes just nodded dumbly and rubbed her co-workers back. What was so hilarious about her being in charge for the day?

Not the point, she scolded herself. Margret was sad.

There was a knock on the door and the woman looked up to see Sam standing there in a hairnet.

"Maggie?"

He said and Mercedes felt Margret shudder before breaking down in tears.

"I just heard. Al's doing reading time, if you wanted to chat"

Sam said as he walked over and embraced Margret.

"Thanks Sam but I'm ok. Mercedes is here and she has been making me laugh"

Sam chuckled

"Has she been talking about actually doing work?"

Margaret nodded and released herself from him his arms.

"Yeah, something like that"

Then Sam did something that so sweet Mercedes was going to start crying too. He bent down and gave Margret a soft kiss on her forehead and whispered that Gin was in a better place now and felt so blessed for knowing such a beautiful dog.

Damn that man.  
Damn that beautiful, beautiful man.

If Sam Evans did end up being her soul mate, Mercedes thought she might just die of sadness.

S&M

"Hey girl, you have been quiet today"

Mercedes glanced up as she wiped down the bench. Sam was leaning on the door frame, hair net on.

"Yeah…it's kind of been a big day…with Margret and everything"

Sam just nodded and walked towards her

"Yeah, but you were stroppy with me before Margret"

Stroppy? Urgh.

"I wasn't stroppy!"

"You were stroppy! You are being even stroppier now!"

"Stop saying stroppy…it's going right up there with the word moist"

When the universe decided that Sam Evans was her soul mate they must have been pissed off with her that day.

"Ok, ok, I don't want to make you spew again"

Mercedes laughed and threw the dirty cloth at him. He caught it effortless and then lobbed it into the bin.

"SO are you going to tell me why you are mad? I thought we made some really god head way Friday night?"

He was right about that. The had laid in bed most of the night swapping embarrassing high-school stories in their underwear. Mercedes had never met anyone that had enough stories to rival her own. She could feel the word vomit coming on. She knew she was going to spew out everything and just air it all out.

As she opened her mouth, Sam beat her too it with his own question.

"Can we just put this crazy week behind us and just start again_? Hi Mrs Tinsley, No it's actually Ms Jones…actually you know what? It's Mercedes'_, Hi Mercedes. I'm Sam and I'd really like to take you out"

Ok first off, that was really sweet but secondly she did not sound that squeaky.

"I don't sound like that!"

"I don't sound like that!"

He was using that squeaky voice again and Mercedes wanted him to know he was looking for a smack if he continued.

"OK, so you don't sound like that but can I please take you out?"

"Sam…I don't know…."

"You said you liked me!"

He growled, accusation in his tone

"We were standing in the storeroom after you revealed that sex bra and then ran off the night before. The words came out of your mouth that you liked me"

Mercedes bit her lip. She did like him! She very much did but the world was more than just them!

"Sam, I do. I like you a lot but…."

"But what? I heard everything you said that first day. You have a complicated family, who doesn't? Your son is my class…ok not ideal but workable. Your unemployed…we'll I fixed that! What else needs fixing so I can just do it and have you go to dinner with me?"

"I don't need you to fix anything Sam. Letting a man fix everything was the thing that got me into this situation in the first place. I don't need you making me the little house wife Shane did"

Sam backed away, his hands up as if ready to defend himself.

"I never said that. You are twisting my words…I'm just so desperate to go out with you I'll do anything"

"Well, you'll have to get permission off Shane first. Then after a decided length of dating, you'll have to get permission of Eli"

Mercedes wasn't sure where she got these rules from. Apart of her was just saying just to see if he'd do it. There was a high chance he wouldn't, therefore getting her out of any complications and a reason to blame him for it not working out.

"OK, Eli I get… but Shane?"

"Since my Dad passed he…and I know this is messed up… like a father figure. He is also Eli's father and I would expect him to show me the same respect. I don't want Eli involved till this is more permanent….sorry IF it becomes permanent"

Sam just nodded, grinning like crazy. Maybe Shane wasn't any intimidating hurdle…or maybe Sam thought she was worth it. She glowed a little at that thought.

S&M

She was reading Eli a bedtime story when the landline rang. It sounded liked the screams of innocents as it rang through the rooms of her small house.

"Are you going to get that Mum?"

Eli asked, his eyes remaining focused on the coloured pictures in front of him. Sometimes she longed to be a child. Back then when the phone rang it just meant there was someone on the other end wanting to talk. Now all it meant was someone wanted money from you or you sent your son's primary school teacher slash soul mate to ask permission from your ex-husband to date you. She couldn't really predict Shane's reaction. She guessed maybe confused? He often was so it wouldn't really be that much of a stretch. The screams ended meaning that whoever was ringing was being offered a chance to leave a message. From the muffled noise she guessed they did.

She finished the book with Eli, extending it out but adding parts and taking time to flesh out the characters. She then offered him the chance to discuss the book. Were then any themes that he wanted to explore? Did he agree with the artist choice in colours….pretty much anything to get avoid the voice message that would be flashing away waiting for her arrival.

As she had expected, there was a message. She pressed play seeing no point in dragging this hell out any longer.

"Mercedes? It's Shane. Call me."

She couldn't decipher anything from his tone. There was no panting, meaning either he hadn't moved Sam's body yet or maybe he hadn't even killed him yet? She played the message again. The way he inflected on the word 'Mercedes' and the very., very soft muffling sound made her think that maybe Sam was alive. Was Shane the torturing type? Sure he had known him since puberty and sleep beside him for over six years but that didn't mean she knew every part of him. The human brain was very complex. So complex that she read in the news once that a woman was found murdered and the killer had been her own loving husband of twenty five years. He woke up, rolled over and just snapped. Had Sam snapped Shane? The thought of his ex-wife finally moving on just broke him that the only way his system knew how to cope was to torture Sam with an inch of his life?

Mercedes frantically pulled the phone from the receiver and dialled Shane's number. If she missed her any of her shows tonight because she was saving Sam's life, she was going to be pissed.

"Hello?"

"Hey Shane, it's me"

"Oh, hey…."

Silence.

Should Mercedes play dumb and pretend she had no idea why Shane was calling? Or was it best to just lay it on the table

"So you rang..."

Ok so she was just going to uncomfortably repeat facts they both already knew

"Yeah I did"

Oh well, at least Shane was playing the same game.

Silence

"Mercedes if you want to date, you know….just do it"

Mercedes exhaled. So Sam had stood up to the plate and spoken to Shane. To say she was elevated was an understatement.

"But it's Sam…."

"Sam's a cool dude"

Silence

"Ok, well good chat. Glad we got this chance to flesh it all out"

"He good to you?"

Mercedes was slightly taken aback at Shane's gruff tone

"Yeah…well we haven't really been on a date yet, but so far yeah"

"I told him I'd kill if he hurts you"

Mercedes chuckled

"Thank you Shane….I believe you would too. I'm glad we are friends, despite everything"

"I'll be there for you forever Mercedes. You gave me a son and a good few years. I get why we have to be protective when starting knew relationships but never do it for me, do it for Eli"

"I am Shane. You're his father and if Sam sticks around then he is going to be very much in Eli's life and yours. It's important to me."

"Yeah you're a good woman Mercedes. I feel sorry for any girl I try and date. I have a feeling you won't be as easy to impress"

"Well Sam kind of set the bar with the whole yelling at our parent's thing. I promise though, I'll give any girl a go"

"Alright, I better get to bed. I'll talk to you later about Eli and this whole mothers thing. Dad rang today, we need to get it worked out"

"Yeah I know. Good night Shane"

She hung up with a sigh. Shane was always a good reminder that things get better and…wait..

Did that bastard say she only gave him a few good years?

S&M


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N This chapter is dedicated to the girls and women who have a full wardrobe but nothing to wear.

S&M

So it seems Mercedes went to bed a normal sized woman and woke up obese. She studied her reflection carefully, noting how bloated she looked in her usually super sexy fitted jeans. She could feel her heart beat quickening and glanced at the clock. She only had five hours till her first date with Sam.

Five hours!

There just wasn't enough time. She would have to cancel. She owned no pretty clothes and the ugly rags she did own didn't fit her. How had she gotten to this point? Why had no one pulled her aside and told her she always looked ridiculous?

Taking a deep breath she turned to Eli who was sitting on her bed surrounded by a pile of rejected clothes and playing his DS.

"OK, How about this one?"

Eli glanced up for half a second and shrugged.

"You know what? Shrugging is officially banned from the house. Now tell me how do I look?"

Eli gave her another half a second glance and then replied

"Yeah nice"

Mercedes ripped the green top off her body like it was on fire.

"We are going to have to go shopping. Everything I own is disgusting"

That caught Eli's attention and he looked up at her with a horrified expression.

"But Muuuummmm"

"'But Mum' is officially also banned from this house too"

She didn't have time to shop but what were her options? Look gross on a date? What if Sam saw her and just burst out laughing? Tears were prickling behind her eyes and she tried to swallow the stress. _She was fine. Her body was fine. Nothing had changed from yesterday _She repeated in her mind

Her mind that she had quickly decided that she was losing.

Mercedes swirled back towards her now bare wardrobe. Surely there was something in here that didn't make her look like a complete loser.

Urgh why was her life so hard?

She dropped to her knees, soughing through the abandoned tops.

Mercedes was going to have cancelled; there was no way around it.

S&M

_She should have cancelled, she should have cancelled, she should have cancelled _

Her legs were wobbling as she walked from her car to the cinemas. Sam was already there, standing out the front waiting and bouncing on the balls of his feet. Naturally he look good and she just wanted to turn around and change her outfit another four times. Shane and Eli had given her the seal of approval as she walked out the door, but what did they know? Eli was wearing dinosaur pyjamas and Shane had a basketball jersey on. They were hardly vogue supermodels.

Sam smiled her smile and began waving. Her body betrayed her and she grinned back, the nerves seemed to slip form her body.

"You look amazing"

He greeted, kissing her on the lips and she pushed him away.

"You can't kiss me on the first date. I'm not that kind of girl"

She said, shocked at his forwardness. Sam just raised his eyebrows and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, ensuring that she realised his hand was grazing her breast. He was such a perv.

"I'm not waiting till the end of the date for a kiss Mercedes. You are way too delicious for that and anyway, when did you start following the rules?"

He kissed her again, swiping his tongue across her lips and she giggled

"You are too much"

He shrugged, uncaring his arm still tightly around her.

"So I already bought the tickets, you are going to love this movie"

It was kind of high school doing movie and dinner on the first date, but Mercedes was glad. She hadn't been on a first date since Noah built the ark. She'd run out of things to say if they just it was just an intimate dinner. They would just end up staring at each other in silence till Sam decided to just cut his loses, pay the check and go home.

Mercedes didn't love the movie. Fifteen minutes into it when the young woman's decapitated head flung across the scene she knew that she hated it. The worst part was that she hated those girly girls who couldn't handle a little bit of horror and spent the movie whimpering to their date and being held like glass. So she was stuck and had to stare at the screen pretending her faith in humanity wasn't slowly dying with the characters.

Sam seemed to love it. He lent in and whispered

"How realistic are the effects! So awesome!"

She nodded, her eyes still glued to the screen. She would not be one of the girls and hide her face in Sam's shoulder. She was a strong, independent woman that didn't cower at the sight of pretend blood.

Half way through, the movie took a creepy psychological turn and Mercedes began to shake.

"Are you alright Mercedes?"

Sam whispered and she nodded, plastering on a massive smile

"Yeah, I love it. I think I'm just a bit cold"

She was lying through her teeth of course, but she had no other option. She refused to be a female clique. Sam it seemed relished in bringing out the dating classics and offered her his zip up hoodie. Mercedes decided to be gracious and accepted the hoodie. If she couldn't allow herself to be wrapped in the safety of his arms, she'd wrap herself in his clothing. It helped.

Mercedes subtlety glanced at her watch. She couldn't it in the dark. Swallowing a sigh, she returned her eyes to the horror that was on the screen and accepted the fact that she would just have to suffer without any idea of when the nightmare would end. She hoped women who enjoyed these movies where grateful for her sacrifice.

"Mercedes, seriously….are you ok?"

Mercedes looked up at the concerned Sam.

Ok, yes she had started crying.

"I'm fine Sam. It's just that woman really looks like my deceased grandmother"

Sam glanced back at the screen; studying the 30 year old ex-reality star actress who was being tortured by a screwdriver….and who also could have skin as white as his own.

Ok, yes she was lying.

Sam to his credit looked completely devastated at the news and wrapped his arm around her.

"I'm so sorry Mercedes. I had no idea. We can leave"

She snuggled into his side, ignoring the armrest that was completely digging into her.

"It's ok Sam it just caught me off guard. Also, how were you to know?"

There were a few things wrong with that statement. Well, more than the whole lying thing anyway. Firstly how could she have been caught off guard when the actress had nearly been in every scene and secondly how would Sam even know what her passed grandmother looked like? Even if her real one?

It was this made her decided to be honest…well that and the whole disgusting guilt she felt about lying. Sam, without even realising was making her want to be a better person. This whole soul mate thing was turning into a complete nightmare.

She took a deep breath and then started choking as Sam's massive tongue dipped down her throat. She could feel him smirking as pressed back, but what were her options? Push the hottest thing ever to be connected to her mouth because her deceased grandmother looked nothing like one of the stars of the movie? C'mon.

"I've been waiting all night for that"

He whispered when he finally released her, their foreheads touching.

"I picked this movie thinking you'd be all cuddled up to me scared and I'd be able to comfort you my special way"

Wow, to bad she was too much of a crazy person to allow that to happen

"Sam I have to tell you something"

She began, watching as worry flicked through his eyes. It took her second to continue because she realised that she_ could _actually see her eyes in the darkness. That could have been because they weren't in darkness anymore because a bitchy looking 15 year old in a torch and uniform was glaring hard at them.

S&M

"It's so not even funny"

Mercedes was pissed. What did every adolescent in the world have against her? If they weren't making her vomit from rancid chicken, they were kicking her out of movie theatres for being inappropriate. She'd liked to say hello to the people that complained and show her what inappropriate really was.

Sam was laughing beside her as they walked down the road to Breadstix. Naturally he had found it hilarious. Even the awkward walk of shame as everyone avoided their eyes as they made their way out of the theatre.

"I don't know why you are made at me for. You were the one that was talking loudly; I was trying to silence you"

"Well, I think it was your _silencing_ that was making everyone uncomfortable"

Sam let out a bark of a laugh and Mercedes chuckled too, more out of being happy that she could cause that reaction from him. Mercedes smiled even hard when he reached out for her hand. Was it classed as a fetish if you were addicted to someone's hands?

"I already know what I'm ordering"

He started and rattled off the list of items, pausing at each one for her opinion. Her mind wasn't on food though; it was still on the lie….and the fact that Sam had wanted her close to him. She shouldn't of been surprised…he had kind of made it clear that he was into her. It was just that the level of trickery just to be able to hold her reminded her of something that she would do. It pleased her that she wasn't the only one being sent crazy by this new match.

"What are you going to get?"

Sam asked, pulling Mercedes out of her thoughts

"Umm I don't know? Maybe a pasta?"

Sam thoughtful rattled off all the different types like Mercedes had never been there before. Mercedes smiled sweetly, totally gushing over him. Clearly he was just obsessed with food and starving but Mercedes found Sam's enthusiasm for her meal so amazingly, gut wrenching adorable.

She tugged on his hand and pressed a soft kiss to him, laughing as a goofy grin appeared on his face.

"Finally you kiss me and not I kiss you. I thought I was going to have to wait till the second date for that action. I know you aren't that kind of girl"

He said smartly pulling on his hoodie she still had on and keeping her close.

"Yeah well, you kind of make that kind of girl"

She replied pressing her mouth to his again.

S&M

Tension

Tension

Tension

Tension

The dinner had been going smoothly, actually it was perfect. It was like they weren't even on a date and were actually a couple who at been together for years. Instead of the suffocating feeling she had expected and the compulsion to slow things down, Mercedes was ok. Sam made her feel ok.

That was all out the window when they walked back to their cars out the front of the movies. Mercedes was leaning on her door and Sam stood awkwardly in front of her. This definitely felt like a first date. The tension was so thick that Mercedes just wanted to wave and drive off.

"So this has been fun"

She said, breaking the everlasting silence

"Yeah it has. Wish I could drop you home though"

She laughed. It was a fake and airy laugh that her mother had perfected and she hated herself even more for releasing it.

"Oh well, it's all good. I am capable of driving"

Sam rolled his eyes

"I know that! Isn't the guy supposed to pick the girl up and then walk her to the door?"

"You know that can't happen Sam. Not yet anyway"

He childishly kicked the ground

"I know…"

"Look we aren't fifteen, we don't have to do all that stuff to make it a date"

She pushed herself off the car and moved them pack to the footpath

"Ok, so you can't walk me to my front door because of a five year old that is both my son and your student….but you can walk me to this door? I might even give you a kiss if my mother isn't poking through the back window making sure my virginity stays intact"

"Can I hold your hand again?"

Mercedes smiled as he grabbed her outstretched hand. Yet, she definitely had a hand fetish.

He escorted her to the front door of the car and kissed her softy.

"I had a really good time tonight"

He said, following every clique in the word. She decided to respond.

"Me too. Here, have your jacket back"

She began to unzip the hoodie, but his hands halted her

"No you keep it. It looks good on you"

She kissed him again and slipped into the car.

Driving away she watched him fist pump in the rear vision mirror. Mercedes knew right then that is Sam Evans ever hurt her, she'd never survive

S&M

A/N sorry about the delay on this chapter, my mum touched the internet and totally destroyed it but I'm officially back online now lol


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N Be warned a lot happens in this chapter and not a lot of it is fun!

S&M

When Mercedes' father had been alive he believed she should be taught two things;

How to shoot a basket ball

How to change a tyre

She was fourteen when he gave up and decided to just let her sing and dance around the backyard instead. Mercedes had always smiled at those memories, thinking about how her father would encourage her to just be herself. Now as she stood in the cold, Eli slouched on the footpath cursing the heavens, wishing her Dad would have screwed embracing her creative side and forced her to change a damn tyre.

She hadn't noticed she had parked on a nail, but she defiantly noticed how lopsided her car stood as her and Eli walked up to it after leaving school. Blah, she so didn't need this. Margret had run her off her feet and Eli was desperate to get home so his father could pick him up.

Mercedes flipped into survival mode. She opened the boot and pulled out the spare tyre and necessary tools.

How hard could it be?

Honestly, she had survived _child birth_ changing a tyre should be child's play.

It wasn't.

Defeated she called Shane and he arrived two minutes later, fear splashed across his features.

"Are you guys ok? I thought you said you were in a car accident?"

"I said I had car trouble! You so need to get a new phone Shane!"

Shane rolled his eyes and ruffled his son's hair

"Wanna watch me change a tyre son?"

Mercedes stood on the footpath, watching Shane and Eli work on the tyre. This afternoon was going to be tight schedule wise but it would work out. Actually this might be a blessing. Shane would take Eli to his home straight after this instead. That would give Mercedes time to shower and change before starting dinner for her and Sam. It would be flawless, it would be calm.

Sam and Mercedes were officially in week three of dating. They were limited with their 'official dates' due to Eli, but that didn't mean Sam couldn't find ways while they were at school to remind her of his existence. Mercedes loved every minute of it, even if he was a dorky loser who couldn't keep his tongue to himself. Mercedes was excited for tonight….tonight was an _at home_ date. Mercedes couldn't help but remember last time they were alone in a house things got frisky quickly. Mercedes hadn't been prepared last time, but tonight she would be!

"What's going on?"

Speak of the devil

Mercedes smiled up at Sam. Her special 'You are my son's teacher and I so don't want to rip your clothes off' she saved for public. Sam wasn't looking at her, so it probably wouldn't have mattered if she was giving him the finger. His eyes seemed to be trained on Shane and little Eli, who had successful removed the busted tyre.

"Oh I must have parked on a nail; Shane is just changing the tyre"

"I thought Shane was picking him up from your place?"

"He was, but I called him for help"

Sam's eyes finally dropped to hers and she was slightly taken aback from the emotion that swirled behind them.

"So I actually work only 100 metres away and you didn't think to ask me?"

Was he legitimately pissed off that she had called Shane? Who cares who she called; all she wanted to do was go home so she could get ready for Sam and only Sam…isn't that what mattered?

"Are you pissed about this?"

She asked, unable to resist.

"I'm not pissed…I'm just confused why you'd call your _ex-husband_ and not your _boyfriend_"

There it was.

Mercedes couldn't believe she'd been so stupid. Sam wasn't new age and accepting of her strange circumstances and totally willing to look passed it all to be with her. It hurt, it killed and it was hundred percent worse than anything she had imagined when she thought of Sam hurting her.

"Hey Sam"

Shane greeted, smiling. He was twisting his mouth as if trying to supress a bigger grin. Mercedes knew he was about three seconds away from breaking out into 'Sam and Mercedes kissing in a tree'

"Hey Shane"

Mercedes watched as Shane tried to work out if Sam was being rude. He clearly gave up and announced that the car was fine and he and Eli were going to head off. She smiled in reply and dropped to her knees to give Eli a kiss and cuddle good bye. For the first time in ages he allowed it, as if sensing his mother was minutes away from breaking down.

She watched as they left for Shane's car, leaving her with Sam.

"Sam, you knew the circumstances. You knew what you were getting into!"

What was the point wasting time with small talk?

"I knew you guys get on…I love that…but I thought that when you'd let me into your life, you wouldn't need him as much"

Mercedes just shrugged. She had no idea why she had call Shane. It was probably just habit. Seemingly disappointed with her response Sam grunted and ran his fingers through his hair

"Maybe we should just get a rain check on tonight"

Mercedes stomach dropped to the footpath. Well it was fun while it lasted, she thought bitterly. Clearly when he said rain check, he meant forever.

She shrugged again and slipped into her car. As she drove away and glanced in the rear vision mirror she watched as Sam just stared back.

S&M

"Where is Eli?"

Her mother was standing at her front door when she pulled up and Mercedes was tempted to run her over. Mercedes hadn't spoken to her, let alone seen her since that fatefully night and she really didn't feeling like seeing her now.

"I said where is Eli? I want to see him"

Mercedes pulled her handbag further up her shoulder and sighed

"He is at Shane's tonight. You should have called ahead"

Mrs Jones pulled her sunglasses from her face and Mercedes was treated a full blown classic glare. This felt exactly like the time she had written off her mother's station wagon in high school.

"If you and Shane stuck to some kind of schedule then this wouldn't happen"

"No…if you didn't turn up unannounced then this wouldn't happen"

"Is this our relationship now? Just bitterness?"

Mercedes didn't feel like dissecting her relationship with her mother right at this moment. She wanted to curl up and cry till she passed out.

"Mum, please can we do this another time? I'll call you over the weekend and organise something for Eli"

She knew her mother to well to think that would suffice.

"Mercedes! This has gone on too long"

Mercedes didn't response and stepped up to unlock her front door.

"Leave me alone Mum, please. It's been a bad day. We'll do this later"

She took slight pleasure in slamming the door in her mother's face.

S&M

She filled up her wine glass, filled up the bath and happily accepted that there was no way on earth she was going to work tomorrow. Stepping into the bath, she sunk into the bubbles….actually she doubted she would be in for the rest of the week.

Mercedes checked her phone before resting it on the soap dish. Who would even call her? Sam was pissed at her; her mother was pissed at her….the only people that liked her were happily spending time together without her. Maybe she should call Shane and see if they could meet up for dinner. She sank deeper into the bath. She didn't really want that, she just wanted…..

Sam

She just wanted Sam

The tears came thick and fast as she thought of her afternoon, her mother…..She just wanted Sam.

Her wet hand reached out for the phone and searched for his number.

He answered on the second ring

"Mercedes?"

"Please come over. The key is under the mat"

She hung up before he could reject her and took a lazy sip of her wine.

God, she prayed that he would come.

S&M

Sam was standing in the door of her bathroom fifteen minutes later and with both his dogs in his arms.

"I was walking them….trying to clear my head you know"

Mercedes nodded, watching as he bent down to release them and they raced to her immediately and jumped up to the side of her bath. She blew bubbles on their fluffy faces and they shook their heads, annoyed and rushed back to their owner, who had sat on the toilet.

That sat in silence for a moment and Mercedes mused that the water was getting chilly. Would it be rude to flick the hot water on? Would Sam read that as not taking the situation seriously and being selfish because she would prefer to be warm then talk to him?

She killed two birds with one stone and delicately slid towards the faucet. Turning it on, she said

"So my mother came and visited this afternoon"

She glanced at Sam, who was surprised to say the least

"She gave me a bit of a mouthful. Now I'm sitting here sad, miserable and tossing up wether to drown myself in the bath"

Satisfied with the water temp, she slid back ensuring that the bubbles kept her modest. Mercedes slid her eyes towards him, secretly hoping that he felt bad for the terrible afternoon she had.

He said nothing.

Mercedes had never been on for silence, but she couldn't think of anything to say either. So she splashed a bit of the water.

"Why didn't you call Shane if you are so upset?"

Sam finally said and Mercedes made a point of rolling her eyes at him

"Maybe I should have. He would have been less of a bastard but for some insane reason that I can't remember….I wanted you"

Silence filled the bathroom again and Mercedes had decided that this was a complete mistake. Sam clearly couldn't cope with her circumstances. If the whole ex-husband thing wasn't bad enough, throwing in her mother wouldn't help her case.

"Budge up, would you?"

Mercedes looked back up at him and her eyes doubled as he stood there shirtless. She had seen him like that before….but never while she was naked in the bath. His hands reached for his belt and she diverted her eyes, feeling incredibly shy and she slid forward, allowing him to fit behind her.

"Why are you being all bashful now? You have wanted to get this wet since you saw me"

She chuckled, loosing up at little as she rested her back on his chest.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven? No more raincheck?"

"No more raincheck…as long as I'm always your first phone call when your mother 'visits'….and I want to be the first person you call when you need help with your car"

"What about if the house burns down? That affects Eli too….that would be a grey area"

Sam 'hmmed' thoughtfully as he tightened his knees around her.

"If Eli is home, then ring Shane but if it's just you then ring me"

"Actually I think I should call the fire department….I mean my house is on fire"

"Why? So all the sexy firemen get to you before me? No way. Me before the fire department"

"What if I'm getting murdered?"

"It would be hard for me, especially because I know you love men in uniform but you should call the police first if you are getting murdered"

Mercedes sighed and lent back her head to place a kiss on his cheek. Damn he was crazy, but damn if she thought she didn't need him.

S&M

Her bath was not meant for two people. It was clearly just a throw in, something the landlord thought would boost the appeal of the house. Eli fitted fine, her little short body fitted fine but the combination of Sam's long limbs and she did not fit fine.

"Sam if you don't stop moving or will get stuck"

"I'm trying to get comfortable"

The water had gone cold and the bubbles had all disappeared and Mercedes was starving for two things; Sam and food. Being that close and naked to his hell of body was practically torture but there was no way anything fun could get done in that bath. God bless Sam for trying though. As his hands travelled yet again down her cold wet body she decided enough was enough and they had to get out. Although instead of being patient, her body jerked and in a weird flash they ended up side by side in the tub.

Side by side in the narrowest tub in Lima.

Sam yelped, his back pressed hard against Mercedes'. It was kind of really painful. Panicked they both tried to escape at the same time which only resulted in them beating the backs of their heads against each other.

"I'll go first"

Mercedes said, panting slightly

The dogs were barking and Mercedes shushed them as she pulled herself from the bath. Salt and Pepper were over excited, thinking that she was getting ready to feed them dinner. The combination of the small dogs and the wet tiles, Mercedes ended up sliding across the floor before falling into the shower. A scream and crack later, Mercedes watched dizzily as her hand flopped in totally the wrong direction.

S&M

"So what exactly where you doing?"

"Skateboarding"

Mercedes and Sam replied simultaneously, maintaining complete eye contact with the nurse. The balding man gave them another strange look and finished up giving her directions on how to keep her cast clean. Mercedes just nodded, half listening. She never did anything in half measures it seemed, even bad days.

Sam was rubbing her lower back and the small gesture seemed to be working better than the pain meds she had taken. She felt so bad that he had had to deal with her in that state. When she had realised that something was wrong…and that it freaking hurt…..she had gone into crazy mode and blamed him for everything. What a sight that must have been for him. Naked as the day she was born, full on crazy eyes and a waving a hand around that was totally facing the wrong direction.

"Ok, that'll be it for you guys. Expect a call in a couple of weeks for a reassessment"

She nodded not believing that it was 2013 and she had still wait for bones to heal.

"Mr Evans?"

Quinn Freaking Hudson

She was the only woman in Lima to have ever been on the cover of a Kmart catalogue and reminded everyone of that fact weekly. Mercedes hadn't had much to do with her since graduation till she used Quinn's agency to find a house rental. Now a real estate agent Quinn relished in finding a 'post-divorce' home that would be safe enough for her now 'disadvantaged son'. Mercedes remembered quite vividly why she had hated the girl throughout high school.

Now here she stood, looking like the Queen of Perfection

"Oh hello Mrs Hudson, what are you doing here? Are the children ok?"

Sam's tone ignited something in Mercedes. Was it the familiarity? Was it just her already existing resentment towards Quinn? Or was it the fact that Sam seemed to be acting as nervous as a kid on stage? Turning her attention on Quinn, she watched the woman go into bashful mode before responding…

What the actual fuck?

"Oh, no everyone is safe. I was just picking up a prescription. I worked back late this evening…."

Sam nodded

Had Mercedes turned invisible for the last five minutes? No one seemed to remember that she was standing there…with her arm in a cast. Maybe it was the pain but Mercedes was completely pissed off at the little interaction that was happening in front of her.

"They are working you real estate agents harder and harder if you're working back this late"

Was Sam actually flirting right in front of her eyes? She had broken her wrist. Like actually totally snapped it and here he was flirting away with fucking freaking Quinn.

Quinn giggled and looked down cutely, only she couldn't really pull it off because no amount of mascara could make her eyes doe like…..unlike Mercedes…..

"What are you doing here Mr Evans? I hope you haven't hurt yourself?"

Was this chick for real?

"No, Ms Jones here was skateboarding in front of my house and had a bit of an accident. Thought I'd help her out"

"That was so nice of you"

Oh Sam, the great big hero… is saving everyone. She wished the celling would cave in and he'd try and save Quinn, only to have it collapse on them both.

Wow, she really was in pain.

"Well thanks Mr Evans, I'll see you tomorrow at drop off. Bye Quinn, always a pleasure and yes my arm is fine thanks for asking"

And with that Mercedes fled the clinic.

S&M

"Mercedes get in the car!"

Ergh Sam Evans was the biggest pig on earth if he thought she was getting anywhere near his car. She had made it to the edge of the clinic car park before he caught up with her. Now he was hollering and crying at her from the driver's seat.

"I have no idea what has happened between you getting your cast on and now. Please…today has been the shittest day ever and I just want to be with you"

At that she stopped, spinning around on her heel to face him.

"Really? The name Quinn fucking Hudson means nothing to you?"

Sam honestly looked confused and Mercedes softened…slightly.

"What's Quinn got to do with anything?"

"Oh I don't know _Mr Evans_, maybe the fact that she was practically gagging for it and you were lapping it up"

That seemed to clear things up for Sam

"Well even if she was gagging for it, it's not like I could say anything. We aren't telling people I'm your boyfriend remember? That was also your rule by the way…."

A loud horn blew and Mercedes gave the driver the finger. Cast and all.

"Go around!"

Sam screamed out the window, signalling to the driver and then Sam flicked his hazards on.

The car blew again and now it was Sam's turn to give the finger.  
Beep! Beep!

Mercedes rolled her eyes and yanked the door close.

"Drive"

She said harshly.

Sam obliged and it was three seconds before they both started arguing again. Mercedes couldn't understand him as her voice seemed to bounce around his car.

"Enough!"

Sam roared and Mercedes crossed her arms with a hmpf.

"I'm sorry you felt I was being disrespectfully to you with Quinn, but seriously people think I'm single. I'd scream that I'm with you from the roof tops if I could, but I won't out of respect to you and Eli. I'm in this for the long run Mercedes…I think I've said it enough times but clearly you need reminding"

Mercedes ran a finger up and down her cast. She was going to have a sick day tomorrow…who knows when she'd be able to go back. She guessed not till the cast was off. It was a thing like that that made Mercedes wonder why Sam wanted to be with her so bad. She was a mess. If she couldn't change her tyre she was breaking her wrist. Why was he sticking around? She guessed it was the same reason why she couldn't ever really stop thinking about him or worrying about him or day dream of giving Eli some brothers and sisters with him….there was just something strong between them. Something unexplainable.

"I guess I'm unemployed now"

Sam looked at her as they pulled into a stop at a red light

"Really? That's all you have to respond to what I just said?"

She shrugged, knowing she wasn't being very clear

"Well you said today that you are my boyfriend so I thought I'd be polite and make sure you know exactly what you are going getting into when I tell you this next thing"

"Hmm and what's this next thing?"

"Screw the month thing. Ask Eli this weekend"

S&M


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing

S&M

How do you pay rent if you don't have a job?

How do you get a job when your arm is in a cast?

Actually, scrap that. How do you get a job regardless?

Mercedes sighed deeply again, ignoring the ache in her wrist as she scrolled down the online adverts. There weren't many job openings in the area and the ones that were going Mercedes was either not qualified or needed bother her hands. She glared down hard her useless arm. Damn her body, not only did it get fat after eating cheesecake but it couldn't handle a little slip and slide in the bathroom.

She wasn't going to wallow though. She officially had a sexy boyfriend who she was 87% sure was going get her son's approval. When you had a sexy boyfriend, with arms like Sam had problems such as 'How am I going to feed my son?' 'How am I going to put petrol in the car?' and 'who is going to do my manicure for free?' seemed almost trivial.

Almost.

Well actually, if she was honest with herself having a sexy boyfriend almost caused more problems.

Shane was yet to find out about her lack of income. Not that he would deny her anything….but that was the problem right? Shane would give her anything and that's what got her into this mess! She stared at the blinking computer screen that gave her nothing but bad news and tried to remember every inch of Sam Evans sexy, sexy body…..nope didn't work, she was still flat broke.

Her phone rang and she sighed dramatically.

"Hello girlfriend"

"Hello boyfriend"

"School totally sucks without you. I had to make out with Principal Figgins. I mean he was ok, but I could tell he was faking enthusiasm. Miss you"

Mercedes decided that Sam's biggest flaw was the fact that he could cheer her up when she was quite clearly trying to wallow. He had no concept of what it meant to relish in the drama of the moment.

"Miss you too. Don't let Figgins' hand travel to far south. Girls who give it up on the first date, don't get a second"

Mercedes totally embarrassed herself when she shrived at the sound of his chuckle. Urgh she was the worst.

"How's the job search going?"

"Really well, give me a day and I'll be the CEO of McDonald's"

"That bad hey? Look, I was talking to Quinn Hudson this morning and she…"

"She better have imploded and you are calling me to clean off the blood from you shirt"

"OK, tone it down crazy. She was asking about your arm…"

Mercedes felt a sudden burst of sadness. It was official, Sam was cray-cray. No-one in their right mind would bring up QUINN the day after they had just had a massive fight about the same woman. He needed to be committed. That was the problem with beautiful people; they were usually the most insane. Maybe they didn't have to end their relationship. Maybe she could visit him on the weekends? She would be like a woman whose husband was in prison. Doll herself and press her hands to the glass. Actually that could work!

"….and she said she was looking for an assistant"

"And you didn't bring up my name, my situation or my need for a job and then turned around and walked away"

"I may have not done that"

Don't hang up the phone, don't hang up the phone, and don't hang up the phone.

Mercedes took a deep and calming breath and then slammed down the phone.

S&M

Her childhood home was one of many good memories. Sure her mum was psychotic, deluded and stuck her nose in where it most certainly didn't belong but she was still her mother and pretty much the only family she had left. That's why she knew she had to swallow her pride and try and smooth things over with her Mum before things got any wore.

"Mercedes"

"Mother"

Ok, so the greeting was icy at best but she wasn't going to let that intimidate

"Have you come to slam another door in my face or is there another reason you're here? I can't see a knife, so clearly you aren't going to murder me….colour me surprised"

Damn Mercedes couldn't stand dramatic women. Honestly all her mum would have had to say was "We left on bad terms last time I saw you, hopefully you aren't here to continue that" and the message would have been received.

"No Mother I am not here to murder you"

_As much as I would enjoy that _

"I have come to clear the air"

Her Mother's eyes travelled up and down her body, lingering on the cast and then met her eyes

"Have you been cage fighting again?"

One time.

One time she accidently got involved in a cage fight and suddenly her mum thinks she does it on the regular. Please note that her mother never brings up that she actually won.

"No, I was involved in a skate boarding accident. Can I please come in?"

Her mum's eyes were all knowing and it was almost as if she knew that Mercedes had slipped in the bathroom after while hanging out naked with her son's teacher slash boyfriend. To her mother's credit, she didn't ask any further questions and moved aside allowing Mercedes through.

"Mum I need your help"

Five words that when said together could force the sun to fall from the sky. Mercedes would have rather choked on her own fist then ever say in the company of her mother but it was unavoidable. Her mother looked completely shocked that it was almost comical. They nearly burst into laughter because this had to be the most bizarre situation they had ever experienced together….Mercedes was actually asking for help….

"Can you please say that again?"

Was her mother really pulling out her phone to record this? The woman had plastic pick flamingos in her backyard and yet this was the tackiest thing she had ever done.

"Mum, you heard me….I can't work at the school anymore and Eli and I are going to need somewhere to stay….."

The look of pure joy that flittered across her mother's features made Mercedes want to turn on her heels and hightail straight out the door.

"It's just temporary…."

She trailed off but the damage was done. She had just made her Mother's life and it ever second of it killed her.

S&M

Three powerful knocks.

That meant business.

It also meant an explanation and an argument

Urgh

Maybe Sam would think that she isn't home. Her car was in the driveway, but that didn't mean she was at home. She could be out running.

Urgh

No one would believe that she was running

Three more powerful knocks

Well so what if he knew she was home. She didn't have to open the door.

She resumed her folding and squashed another couple of tops into the suitcase. She and her mother would officially be living under the same roof as of this weekend.  
Damn she would have to tell Shane.

The knocking stopped.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

That bastard was going to break her window!

Running down the stairs, she saw her blond boyfriend trying to slide the living room window open. She growled and raced to it, sliding the window open.

"Go away Sam, I'm mad at you"

Sam lent forward and kissed her. Damn his perfect kisses.

"Fine, you can come inside…but no more of that!"

It was called self-respect and despite his plush sexy lips, Mercedes Jones was a woman of integrity.

Sam climbed through the window with ease and smiled

"So I realised later that maybe bringing up Quinn after last night was a mistake"

"So the brain does work sometimes does it?"

"Don't be mad, I just really want to help"

Mercedes rolled her eyes and then she did it a second time to emphasis her point.

"I will never work for perfect Quinn Hudson. Not even if she worked with Beyoncé"

Sam crossed his arms across his chest and Mercedes very much did not appreciate the look he was giving her.

"What about you and Eli though? You need to work"

"Well thank-you for pointing out the absolute obvious and thank-you for also having no faith in me as a mother or a woman. I have already worked out a plan"

Sam's eyes light up and Mercedes really wanted to squeeze his cheeks. Or bite his jaw. Actually she was really worried about her natural reactions when it came to Sam.

"Really? Where?"

"Well..ok…so I don't have the job part worked out…but I have the living situation worked out. Eli and I are going to live with Mum for a while. Till I get a job….save on rent and stuff"

Sam's lips disappeared from him face. An amazing feat, considering the size but Mercedes didn't allow herself to focus on that.

"So you got pissed at me because I spoke to Quinn and you have gone and done exactly what you promised not to do"

Mercedes couldn't help but wonder if she had been right earlier. Maybe Sam really did need to be committed.

"I have no idea what you are talking about"

"Really?"

He said angrily, pacing the floor

"So you don't remember the conversation we had here…naked…in the bath….about you coming to ME when you need help?"

"Of course I remember that Sam! I have a busted wrist because of it! Actually that whole conversation is the reason I'm even in this mess"

Sam dropped to the couch, frustration all over his features.

"Ok then, explain to me why you didn't tell me about this decision?"

"I literally only made it three hours ago and I didn't see the need to consult you why you were at work"

"You don't take us seriously do you? You just want to root me"

Root was a disgusting and ugly word and Mercedes wanted to slap it straight out of his mouth

"Sam I had to swallow a lot of pride today to do the best for my son, so cut me some slack would you? What would you have want me to done? Move in with Shane?"

Mercedes watched as he twisted is bottom lip, clearly contemplating what she was saying. Suddenly he let out a massive groan and pulled her onto his lap.

"You turn me into a crazy person Mercedes!"

Their lips met and Mercedes giggled as he ticked her side and then rested her forehead on his.  
He let out another groan

"Oh my god, you're going to have curfew again, aren't you? I'll never be able to come over!"

Mercedes laughed out loud. Her mother wasn't going to give her a curfew!

Was she?

S&M

A/N sorry to everyone waiting for this chapter! I hope you all still enjoying it and hello to new readers


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N I've changed it up for this chapter. Reviewer MyAntarcticHeart made a suggestion of giving an insight into Sam's perspective and I was totally inspired and decided to give it a go. So enjoy and thankyou MyAntarcticHeart for the idea!

S&M

Was it possible to be in love with someone that you have only known for a couple of weeks?

This was the heavy question Sam Evans asked himself as he watched parents drop off students from his classroom window.

He was crazy right?

He had to be

A woman rocks up late to his class room, a blubbering mess offers him sex and he was on his knees. There had just been something in her eyes that made him want to put down a deposit on a house and have her move in as his wife.

Damn he was sprung.

She wasn't like anyone he had ever dated. She had a child! She had an ex-husband….she was so beautiful that he wanted a painting of her commissioned and hung above his bed.

Sam didn't have the strongest dating record. He wasn't like totally pathetic but he definitely had never dated anyone that could actually break his heart so badly he'd move to the desert. Mercedes definitely had potential for that to happen. Damn she was already had him all over the place with her reluctance. Getting her to admit that they were boyfriend and girlfriend was like pulling teeth. He knew why she was holding back though. She definitely living a complicated life but he knew that she felt the same. When he had been covered in her vomit and they sat up talking in bed, he had seen it in her eyes too. Neither knew what cosmic magic had taken over their body, but they were meant for each other.

Sam's interest spiked as he was watched Shane Tinsley pull up and step out of the car with little Eli in tow. Mercedes would be picking Eli up this afternoon and then they would be moving in to her mother's…..

Sam tried not to shiver when she thought of Mrs Jones. The woman was a power house and a straight up bitch. He and Mercedes were hardly able to spent alone time together as it was. On their nights when Eli was at Shane's they were going to be able to do what they wanted….they were going to have to go through _her._ Actually Sam had no idea if this was how it was going to go down. Mrs Jones could totally let her daughter be an adult and be totally cool…..

Yeah freaking right

A large part of him (but he was pretty it was only a small part) really wanted to ask Mercedes to move in with him. He KNEW that was crazy. He didn't need to be to be told that. Sometimes when he fell asleep and he wasn't dreaming of getting paintings commissioned he pretend that Mercedes was lying next to him telling him insane stories about her teenage years. Then they would talk about his day and all the things they would do in the future… then little Eli would crawl in and make them laugh and Shane would call and tell them to get ready because they were all going out for breakfast….and then dinosaurs would take over the planet and it was up to him to keep his family and the world safe from suffering. The king dinosaur would enslave Mercedes but he would swoop in and slice his head off. Then everyone would make Sam king and they would have a massive feast and afterwards Mercedes would make love to him on his throne. It always got a little weird at this point because everyone would still be sitting around enjoying the feast while they went at it…in one version random party goers would call out people's name and get Sam to do impressions.

A knock at the door pulled him from his dreams of being the king of the world and he smiled as Shane who was standing in the doorway.

"Hey have you got a minute?"

Sam gestured for him to come in and Shane shut the door behind him.

"What's up Shane?"

"I want to talk about….Mercedes…..and her mother"

Sam nodded, not really sure if Mercedes was going to be happy when she found out that he and Shane were discussing her.

"I know you guys have only been seeing each other a little while, but I know it's serious….so I need your help"

Sam was worried now. Had Mercedes withheld something else? Was she dying?

Was that weird that he just went straight to death? Was that morbid? He filed that away to revisit later.

"Can you help get her back her job in the cafeteria? I know she has a broken wrist but can't the principal take her on as some good will project? She can't live with her mother…I've been having all these flashbacks of being a teenager and the way they were with each other. Eli can't be around that…and I don't want to have to pull the custody card… but I will if it means Eli won't be around Mrs Jones"

Sam knew it took a lot for Shane to admit that. Sam didn't know Shane all that well, but he knew the affection he had for Mercedes despite the breakdown of the marriage. If he was going to do something like this, it meant that things were going to get toxic fast.

What could Sam do?

He had pulled a lot of strings to get Mercedes the job in the first place. Mr Figgins was very tight when it came to the budget and he had been reluctant to hire her in the first place let alone with a broken hand.

Unless….

There was Quinn Hudson. She had mentioned yesterday that she was looking for someone…. but there was no way in hell Mercedes would go for it. She had practically cut his head off yesterday for even mentioning her name…. but still desperate times…..

"I don't think I'll be able to get her old job back…but Quinn Hudson is looking for an assistant"

Shane's eyes widened.

"Quinn Hudson? The Kmart chick? No way will Mercedes do it. When that woman made it on the cover of that catalogue Mercedes had like hundred copies just so she could destroy them. Seriously"

"But Quinn works in real estate…she could find her somewhere cheap to rent and money is money. If it means that she won't have to live in her mother's house…"

Shane seemed to contemplate his words.

"Ten bucks Mercedes kills her in the first month"

Sam chuckled, he doubted Mercedes would last the week.

S&M

Sam couldn't really work out why Mercedes hated Mrs Hudson so much. The woman was hardly in competition with Mercedes, she was too boring plus she was married and she kind of had a weird voice. Sam didn't like to be mean…but it was true.

Sam had to be careful and couldn't let Mercedes catch him talking to Quinn. Even if it was totally innocent, there would hell to pay. Quickly weaving his way through the afternoon he spotted the blonde at her car.

"Mrs Hudson!"

Quinn straightened up and smiled at the Sam as he jogged towards her. Sam quickly looked around and spotted Eli still waiting for him mum, he was safe for now.

"Well good afternoon Mr Evans, aren't you a sight for sore eyes. What do I owe this pleasure?"

"I was wondering about your assistant job? Still looking?"

Quinn smiled softly before laughing

"Don't tell me teacher's wages are so bad you're looking for a second job? I'd hire you in a second if I wasn't worried the children here would chase me down wanting you back"

She chuckled again. Sam had never really realised how much this woman giggled. It was actually kinda grating.

"Umm no…I was wondering if you would still consider Mercedes? Like I said yesterday she is a bit of a pickle with this whole broken wrist stuff"

"Because she was skateboarding?"

"Umm…yes…all that skateboarding"

"Can I ask why you have such a vested interest in this woman? I mean I understand that her son is in your class… is that why? Can't she feed him anymore? Oh the poor boy, no wonder you are so worried"

This was it, this was the moment. He would finally be able to tell someone that he had a girlfriend

"Actually she is my-"

"MMMMMMUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM"

A piercing scream ripped through the air and everyone's eyes fell on Mercedes and Eli, who were clearly having some sought of argument

"Wow the stress is clearly getting to her"

Sam didn't have a chance to reply, because he found his legs carrying him towards the arguing pair.

"Eli. Car. Now."

"But Mr Evans wants to talk to you…he told me! Plus I want to show you the painting I did"

"Well Mr Evans can shove it up his-"

Sam decided to interrupt her

"Mercedes?"

"That's Ms Jones to you. Don't be crossing any lines now"

Sam sighed, that deep and sorrowful sigh that was reserved for Mercedes in moments like this. He was caught; he was going to have to explain himself.

"Maybe we could step inside my classroom?"

He watched the storm rage on in her glassing eyes and they darted from him to Eli. Finally they fell back to him and she rolled them.

"Fine"

She whispered.

S&M

When Sam was around Mercedes sometimes felt like he was suffocating. He wanted so badly just to grab her by the shoulders and tell her that everything was ok. He was here and he was willing to suffer through a lot of crap to have her around. She was avoiding his eyes. It was a habit that he had noticed early on. It told Sam that she was nervous, paranoid and about to something absolutely crazy.

"So what do we need to talk about? Does Eli have nits? Threatening students? Falling behinds? Realise that we are….you know….and totally freaking out?"

Sam glanced at Eli, who was playing happily in the corner waiting for them to finish up. Being totally normal and well-adjusted while his mother freaked out five feet away.

"No. This is about a job that I was trying to organise for you"

If it was even possible, Sam could watched as even more walls were built around her.

"Oh so it that why you were tongue sucking Mrs Fucking Hudson on school property? Real classy Sam, if I knew you were the kind of guy who got his rocks off by preying on innocent mothers I would have stayed away. Not that that slut bag is innocent"

She was in rant mode; Sam usually enjoyed it except when it was directed at him. He raised his hand and she huffed cutely.

"You need a job Mercedes…."

He glanced at Eli and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her. He knew he should be used to her touch by now, but even weeks later he made him weak.

Made him want to jump in feet first

She snuggled into his chest and wanted to keep her there

"Eli…"

She said, but made no attempt to separate herself.

Ahh Eli…he was really going to have to do something about that soon. He was definitely their hardest obstacle. He hated thinking about Eli as an obstacle, but he was. Sam couldn't care less that Mercedes had a kid….it was just the fact that he was in Sam's class. Sam would be lying if he hadn't wished that Mercedes and Shane had taken him up on the offer of moving him forward. Eli was totally ready and it would mean that Sam would just become a teacher at his school….not his actual teacher. He didn't want to confuse the kid. He wanted to be someone that would be able to share memories with Eli, be able to become some sought of parental figure or something…..

Damn he wanted to give his all to this….

Sometimes he found himself bond with Eli during school hours. He knew that probably crossed some kind of moral boundary but he couldn't help himself. He was falling in love with Eli's mum and he could see himself falling in love with Eli and become a decent step-father.

The whole teacher things was just really bothering him.

He couldn't give a rat's arse about Quinn, even though he knew it upset Mercedes. She was nothing and no threat to their relationship. The biggest threat wasn't even her mother or ex-husband or even her pretty terrible financial state….it was a little five year old boy.

"My mum is totally driving me insane"

Sam chuckled.

"Just think about the job ok? It would be in an office and you'd just be doing like shredding or something. Trust me it Quinn won't be that bad"

S&M

She didn't look horrible exactly…..it was just kind of funny.

Quinn Hudson's real estate agency had a very distinct uniform and to see Mercedes in the navy pencil skirt, navy stockings, mustard blazer topped off with a red scarf about her neck…well in made Sam smile… and get kind of turned on.

She looked miserable…not like run herself off the cliff miserable but that look that she had when Sam first saw her in her lunch lady hat. She was running around trying to finish up all of Quinn's chores before she could leave for the day. Sam had swung by the office to pick her up for tea. Mercedes was obviously trying to keep him separated from her mother. Not that he was particularly complaining…the last time he had seen Mrs Jones hadn't really been that pleasant.

"Quinn is such a slave driver. You should hear the way she talks to me. '_Oh…Mercedes….we wear our scarfs knotted to the left, not the right. Oh…don't worry, you weren't to know'_ I mean please. Course she runs out the door exactly on time and I'm stuck here, photocopying. PHOTOCOPYING. Why do we need paper copies of things in this DIGITIAL AGE? It's called a computer Quinn, learn how to use one"

Sam sat back into the computer seat, damn she was beautiful. Even when she was swaying around in a mustard blazer looking like she had been through the wars. He had barely gotten any chance to touch her how he wanted too. He had come so close a couple of times but always something stupid happened. He was so close the other week in the bath. So freaking close. Then she slips on a wet tile and a crappy afternoon gets worse. Damn he wanted her and not even just so he'd being having sex. He just couldn't explain the craving.

Finally Mercedes sighed and it looked like she was finally finished. She smiled her little smile and he gestured for her to come towards him. He liked that he could make her shy, it kind of felt like pay back for the way that she made him nervous. He tugged on her hands and he slipped into his lap.

"Ohh making out in the office, we are so bad"

"We aren't even making out Sam"

Mercedes said, chuckling against his lips.

"Well I better fix that"

He captured his lips and she felt like magic. He had barely seen her since the move and missed being able to catch up with her at school. He gripped her thighs and stood up, laughing as she wrapped he legs tightly around him and screamed into his mouth at the sudden movement.

"Sam!"

She chastised, her cast pressing on the back of his neck.

He didn't want for their first time to be in stuffy office surrounded by photos of houses around Lima, but still the appeal was still strong. He sat her on the desk and she pulled him back to her.

"Sam…this is Quinn's desk"

Sam chuckled and glanced at the photos. He leant over and pressed them down. They didn't need to see this.

"We won't go all the way"

He said softly as his hands crept up her skirt. He meant her eyes and smiled at her expression. It's like they were most at peace when they were connected. Her wild mind could slow down.

"Sam…"

She whispered softly and he nodded understanding and his fingers found themselves inside her.

She rested her head on his shoulder and slowly helped him find a rhythm.

He was being stupid because really this was something that high-schoolers did between classes but it felt special. This was the beginning and she was letting him in.

"Mercedes I want you"

She didn't reply with words and her breath quickened. He wanted this for her.

"MERCEDES FUCKING JONES"

Mercedes stiffened at the sound of her mother's voice and Sam squeezed his eyes shut. If he couldn't see her, then she wasn't there. If he couldn't see her then Mercedes mother didn't just catch him with his fingers inside her daughter on her boss's desk.

"Holy fucking hell"

Mercedes had moved from her head from his shoulder. Yeah she was definitely going to have a curfew.

S&M

Not even the delectable taste of his favourite penne pasta was able to cure the horrible, horrible tension at the dinner table. Sam knew that there was no avoiding that….still he had kind of hoped. Sam actually did kinda of sympathise with Mrs Jones. The woman had only just wanted to surprise her daughter with a dinner out to celebrate her first week at her new job. She hadn't known Sam was going to be doing his own celebrating all over Mercedes' body.

Speaking of Mercedes, she had totally shut down leaving him to make small talk with her totally traumatised mother. He was talking about the weather. Like for real. It was the only thing he could think of that would never lead to a conversation about sex. He was learning though that the Jones women couldn't just pretend that nothing had happened. They saw an issue and they needed to zone in and blow it up and then it was classed as 'dealt with'.

"How long?"

It was right in the middle of Sam pondering what the weather was like in the U.K today. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and tried to think.

"Umm about three weeks of being official?"

"So you guys were sleeping together before? Since the start of the school year?"

Mercedes was shaking

"Mum, it doesn't matter how long only that it's happening"

"Well it's going to stop happening"

Mercedes eyes narrowed and Sam felt his guts twist

"I'm grown Mum…you can't tell me what to do"

Mrs Jones delicately chomped on a breadstick

"He is Eli's teacher; the ink is barely dry on the divorce papers. Have some self-respect…also you're a living in my house. That does give me some weight"

Sam could feel the same anger he felt at that dinner all those weeks ago. He couldn't help but feel protective of Mercedes…it was tenfold stronger now that she was his girlfriend. Sam wasn't usually an aggressive man, but there was just something about the way that Mrs Jones spoke that made Sam want to do bad things.

He quickly understood why Shane would fight for full custody to get Eli out of that woman's home.

Mrs Jones sighed and put down her knife and fork.

"Mercedes you are a mess. Your hand is in a cast, you can barely hold a job, you are practically homeless… you don't need this drama…"

"But I love him"

It was a completely over the top declaration and totally too soon, but it felt totally right and Sam glowed. He knew Mercedes would be pissed that he was smiling, considering everything. Then Mrs Jones rolled her eyes and Sam's anger rose.

"Know you don't. You are so desperate for some structure that you would latch on to anything"

Yeah it was definitely time now for him to intervene.

"Mercedes get your blazer. We are going"

Mercedes looked up at him, the tears in her eyes evident.

"Mercedes think about what you are doing. Go with him and you might not have a bed at my home"

"She doesn't need one. She can stay with me"

Mercedes slipped on her mustard blazer and grasped his hand.

Damn things were bad.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own nothing

S&M

His living room was too damn blue. Mercedes couldn't deal with the circus in her mind surrounded by all this blue. Mercedes had really messed up. If she thought life was complicated all those months ago when she split with Shane she was kidding herself. As she lay on in a ball, she remembered when having dinner with her ex-husband was the most insane thing ever. Holy bloody hell that was nothing to what she was dealing with now.

It killed her to admit it but her mother was right. She was a mess, a total Nicole Richie circa 2001 but worse cause she wasn't even rich. Salt and Pepper where smothering her with kisses but she could barely notice their doggy tongues. She was cursed, in a pass life she must have been a murdering cult leader for her to be suffering like this now.

One positive was that she had a job; she was totally embarrassed about the way she had carried on about Quinn. Mercedes knew that she was right with her character assassination, Quinn was a cow but she had child. Things like someone being a bitch was a non-issue when she needed to feed her son.

Shit, Shane.

The tears came thick and fast when she realised that Eli was going to have to stay with Shane till she worked herself out. She needed somewhere stable to live. Eli couldn't live here with Sam. Damn, she shouldn't even be living with Sam. She was such a damn failure.

The TV flickered and she watched the shapes move across the screen. Sam had turned it on, most likely out of habit. She tried to focus on the show or ad, but she couldn't. Her son's face was the only thing she could see. Her poor little son.

Mercedes wondered what it meant to be a good mother. She always thought she was one, but clearly after tonight she realised that she had never really had a good role model so how was she to know? She thought about the Mum's on T.V with their bright smiles and college degrees. Regret wasn't hard to feel when all she could remember was just a list of mistakes. She should have established herself, built something for her son to be proud of or at the very least keep in safe.

"Cedes?"

Sam was standing in the door room of his bedroom. He was in totally hero mode. Saving her from her mother, saving her from homelessness, saving, saving, saving because Mercedes seemed to never be able to save herself.

"Yeah?"

She responded half heartily, unable to really connect his words to their meaning.

"You want to come to bed? I think you need sleep"

Sleep, huh

Yeah maybe she did. If Sam said she needed to sleep, then he was probably right. Everyone was always right.

Everyone but her.

She knew she was a kimono and martini away from being a total and utter drama queen but she couldn't help it. She could sense Sam approaching her and he tugged on her sleeve. She couldn't break the darkness that seemed to capture her.

"C'mon Mercedes"

Her feet hit the ground and she allowed him to lead her to his bedroom. A fold shirt and track pants lay on the bed, clearly for her but she bypassed the clothes and la on the bed.

She was a horrible, hopeless person.

As she laid there, lifeless she could feel Sam changing her clothes quietly and the tears fell again. She was so tired and so over it all. He slide beside her and grasped her hand and she focused on the warmth of his skin. It would be so easy to just stay here forever.

S&M

It was three am when the taxi pulled up at the Tinsley residence. It was dark and cold and she knew she looked like a crazy person, wearing Sam's clothes and her mustard blazer over the top. All the lights were off and she wondered whether she should ring Shane's mobile. She stood at the door debating and then just took the plunge and rang the doorbell.

She had left Sam asleep and alone and knew she was doing exactly what he hated. She was running away from him and not including him, not taking him seriously. This wasn't the behaviour of someone who claimed she loved him, but she hardly loved herself. Sam would have to accept that they were a nice idea but in reality a waste.

"Mercedes?"

Shane looked so confused and was half asleep and there was something about the look in his eyes that made her burst into tears.

"Shane, I've fucked everything up"

He ushered her into the house, he had never been good at coping with her when she was sad. She said at the old dining room table and rubbed the wood lovingly.

"What did Sam do? Did he hurt you?"

Poor Sam

Even now as she sat here, trying to do the right thing every pore in her body wanted to be with Sam.

"No…Shane…am I a good mother?"

Shane seemed taken back by the question and dropped beside her

"Of course you are Mercedes. That little boy up there is amazing and it that because of your help"

"Mum said…"

"Your mother is a bitch Cedes, she always has been. I knew this was a bad idea from the start!"

When Shane was tired he was his most honest. When they had been married she sometimes wakes him up at awful hour to ask his honest opinion of an outfit. It had been the source of some of their greatest fights.

"But, I mean she made some good points. I have nothing to offer my son, I don't even have a roof for him"

"You're working; you'll be back on your feet in no time. Look, stay here. I don't want you with your mother anymore and I'll be damned if I let Eli into that house"

Mercedes chewed her lip

"Sam kind of offered me a place at his"

Shane's eyes lit up

"Even better! Yes stay with him. He is great"

Didn't Shane see the point of her rambling? What if she and Sam broke up? She would be back to square one and there was no way she allows Eli to get close to him if it wasn't forever.

Her phone rang just as she was about to reply to Shane

"Where are you?"

Sam voice was urgent and she was tempted to just hang up.

"With Eli"

She replied softly and he hung up.

Shit.

"Sam is it for you Mercedes stop being scared and just accept the inevitable"

"Stop trying to be a mind reader Shane. The turban doesn't suit you"

"I'm right though"

Mercedes didn't respond and could feel herself shaking. She had no idea what Sam was going to do.

"Mum?"

Worry and pain left her body at the sight of her son. He was rubbing his eyes and walking towards her and then crawled into her arms. Her beautiful, beautiful son. The only real purity in her life.

Shane's phone buzzed, interrupting the moment between mother and son.

"Um Sam's outside. I'm going to let him in"

Of course he was, Mercedes thought sarcastically.

In moments, Sam was standing in front of her still in his own pyjamas.

"Mr Evans?"

Eli asked curiously, half asleep

"Hey dude"

"Did you want anything Sam? Tea? Water? Juice?"

Shane started offering and Mercedes side eyed over the top of Eli's head. Could the man be crushing any harder?

"Nah I'm fine man, just wanted to be with Mercedes"

If her heart could explode it would have. The only thing that ruined the moment was Shane smiling smugly in the corner.

"I'm just going to put Eli back to bed"

She said, avoiding everyone's eyes as she stood up.

S&M

So just a regular sleep over at her ex-husbands house then.

Ok, why not.

Sam was waiting for her in the bed in the guest room, smiling unnaturally.

"I don't want to fight about me running away"

He shrugged and pulled back the blankets, inviting her in.

"I understand, you needed a hug from you son and I followed because I needed a hug from you. I'm not mad, just worried"

She slipped into his arms

"Even if you not mad, I'm sorry"

He nuzzled her neck and she closed her eyes

"What happened with you your Mum tonight, is a reflection of her; not you. You scared me being all quiet and stuff. I missed your special brand of conversation"

He hadn't bought up the whole 'I love him' declaration and she wondered if they ever would. She eyes slipped close and she felt at peace. In the arms of her boyfriend, a door down from her son and under the same roof of her ex-husband but she was at peace.


End file.
